Chérie: Did I ever tell you about the time I tried to google book reviews of my completely unpublished novel? I was extremely, extremely sleep-deprived, in the throes of finishing grad school and subsisting on a diet of adderall, cigarettes and Tab, and I had just rewritten the ending but I wasn't sure how I felt about it so I thought to myself, "Why don't I just google the reviews and see what the critics thought?" and it took several seconds for it to register that this was actually impossible. Then I called my friend and was like, "Um, I just tried to google the future," and she was like, "How about you have a sandwich and a nap, you're scaring me."
Rejectionist: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA that is so amazing. Defs pull that out for your future Jacket Copy interview. I feel like that would make an excellent Le R. guest post, too. Or perhaps we could do a little back-and-forth on The Neuroses of Writers. I have actually been thinking of doing something along those lines entitled Thoughts That Other People Have Also Had.
Chérie: Yeah, that anecdote is quite the classic, I am happy to deploy it whenever possible. I can't think of any two people better equipped to have a dialogue about the neuroses of writers than the Rejectionist and Chérie, consider me on standby for this convo. Perhaps I could also include some choice moments from workshop, like the time someone held up my manuscript and said "I don't yet know what the project of this book is" and it took all that I had not to leap across the table and strangle him whilst screaming "Since when is telling a killer story not enough of a project for a WORK OF FICTION?"
My friend is doing a reading and a panel during AWP, so I am thinking maybe I will go? Have you ever been? She makes it sound like it's just a big party. I like parties.
Rejectionist: Isn't AWP a bunch of money and somewhere else? I have never been. I hate networking.
Chérie: Yes, but it's in DC this year and I have friends there I could stay with. Although Workshop Flame isn't going and honestly half my reason for wanting to attend was so he and I could get loaded and have some, like, poignant moment in an elevator where he admits that he secretly loves me too but he is married and so we can never be. Also now that I am actually perusing the schedule of panels, these descriptions kind of make me want to kill myself. Remind me to bring up my feelings about the word "ecofiction" during our gchat.
Rejectionist: I bet they are similar to my feelings about "ecofeminism."
When is it? I think it is supposed to be a good idea to go and "network," so if it's in the spring after your agent sells your book it might be worth tolerating a few terrible panels.
Do you ever have those days where a ton of dudes stare at you? With sort of hostile faces? What does that MEAN?
Chérie: MAY THE LORD BLESS YOU AND KEEP YOU FOR OFF-HAND COMMENTS LIKE "IN THE SPRING AFTER YOUR AGENT SELLS YOUR BOOK"
Meh, it's the beginning of February, and on the website it looks like registration is closed anyway. The more I think about, the more I don't mind skipping it, since next year we'll both be down there doing panels and readings and whatnot, promoting our newly-published masterpieces.
Are you sure you're not being paranoid? Are you wearing a shirt emblazoned with some anti-male slogan?
Rejectionist: I am definitely not being paranoid. I am wearing a relatively normal outfit and as far as I know there is nothing weird on my face.
Ooooh, should we start planning our joint panel now? Is that premature?
Chérie: Of course not, we need to be prepared. Our complementary outfits alone could take six months to perfect and finalize. If possible, I would like the chance to deliver my dissertation on the elitist class war being waged against Stephen King, as well as how the Hold Steady and the Replacements influenced my debut novel, but my forthcoming sophomore effort owes more to Social Distortion and the Old 97's (fist-pumping adolescent anthems versus hard times/hard luck stories, you see). Maybe we should start making some notes this evening. Our agenda is getting longer and longer, I hope we can cover all these items.
When I get a good look at you tonight I will let you know if there is anything vaguely antagonistic about your person. Other than the usual, of course.
Rejectionist: Right, and we want to give Support Team a lot of time to develop the interactive slideshow feature and coordinate the website component and everything. We'll also need to compile a survey of mid-to-late 90s shoegazer bands and industrial stuff, in addition to the obvious influences like Nirvana and Soundgarden, with regards to the Rejectionist's memoirs, and we'll want to talk about the importance of the Seattle radio scene during that time, and maybe cross-reference Sassy magazines we both read and drew novel/band recommendations from during these crucial formative years. I have my laptop with me, luckily.
There's nothing vaguely antagonistic. The antagonism is pretty front and center, I would say.
Chérie: OOOOOOOOOOOOH YES I foresee Weetzie Bat figuring heavily into our respective origin stories. Maybe we should compile a double-mix CD to distribute to our adoring fans at this event? We should start thinking about the screenprint for the t-shirts, too.
Rejectionist: You know, it would be great to have a zine to hand out with the CD, and obviously I will need to figure out some kind of adorable binding that will contain them both.
Chérie: I was also thinking I could recreate my main character's sketchbook, complete with her dead-frog anatomy drawings, pictures of her bestie and perhaps the occasionally angsty musing, and then auction a few of these off as collectors' items, with the proceeds going to benefit BARC?
Rejectionist: This sketchbook idea is really brilliant. I wonder if I should incorporate reproductions of selected pages from my actual journal? We could do a "split issue" sort of thing? I guess that means we'll need to set up some kind of archive as well.
Chérie: You know what would be really helpful? If we had an office space/studio dedicated to all these projects? Also perhaps a wiki for easier reference to the universes created by our respective books? Goodness, we have a lot to do, thank god our forthcoming eight-figure advances will allow us the luxury of dedicating the entire next year to producing art based on our narratives.
Rejectionist: I was just thinking we might also need some kind of part-time admin person, as we'll be too busy to fundraise for our foundation or review applicants for the grants we'll be giving to up-and-coming writers, and then we'll need someone who can liaise with bands and promoters to set up live shows for our public events--it's really important not to have to get bogged down in minutiae so we can focus on our larger vision.
Chérie: I bet we could find a couple of adorable and enthusiastic college students who need some extra credits and would be delighted to intern for a couple of breakout successes such as ourselves.
Rejectionist: Oh, that's a great idea--since we won't need to pay them, we can have them work full-time!
Chérie: If one of these students was a tasty tattooed morsel, Chérie would not mind one bit.
Rejectionist: Let's get started on that right away--we can draft our Craigslist posting over dumplings.