MONDAY
Monday, July 12, 2010
FOR GOD'S SAKE PEOPLE IF YOU WERE SEVEN HUNDRED YEARS OLD AND REALLY GOOD-LOOKING AND HAD SUPERPOWERS AND A BAZILLION DOLLARS WOULD YOU REALLY BE FARTING AROUND HIGH SCHOOLS AND WASTING YOUR TIME IN ALGEBRA II NO YOU WOULD NOT. YOU WOULDN'T. SO PLEASE WRITE ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE NOW. JUST DO IT FOR THE FUCKING ASSISTANT, OKAY? THINK OF IT AS COMMUNITY SERVICE.
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Maybe he didn't do so well the first time he took algebra 2. It's a lot harder to calculate the hypotenuse on an abacus.
This. So needed. Thank you.
L. F-ing. out. L.
Thank you for saying this.
Where does this perfect visual aid come from?
I swear this is my brain if one more person suggests adding vampires will make it better. No! Just NO!
What if s/he's a 700-year old, good-looking, super-powered, bazillionaire who just wants to earn that all-important GED?
Maybe way back in 1718,when s/he was just a fresh-necked kid, s/he was too busy helping Le Page du Pratz found New Orleans to think about the benefits of a formal education.
Or maybe s/he's just a pedophile.
Never mind . . .
What if I took Trig instead?
But, but, even if you're seven-hundred years old, maybe you still LOOK 16, and it's so hard to get a hold of a good fake ID, and you keep getting in trouble for not being in school on a school day, and maybe it's just easier to keep going?
Also, do you think vampires just attend the four years of high school, move, and start again, over and over and over; or do they just remain seniors for 37 years, and no one is the wiser?
@SM Schmidt-
I'm 99% sure it's from 500 Days of Summer, a charming non-love story indie flick.
Re: this post-
LOLOLOLOLOL!
I admit, the idea didn't bother me the first time I read it, but it *definitely* gets old.
Sharpens her stake.
... how about dreamwalkers?
This kind of implausibility is exactly why all of my vampires repeat kindergarten over and over again instead. No, they're not child vampires. EVERYBODY LOVES FINGER PAINTING SHUT UP
I will say the one thing I enjoyed about the show Moonlight was Jason Doring as a bad ass, Machiavellian vampire.
YAY LE R IS BACK YAYYYYY
But what about vampires *teaching* high school? I'm pretty sure my trig teacher was undead. And had been for Quite Some Time.
OMG! I was tots thinking recently that I'm sick of reading YA's with this theme!! What kazillion year old guy is gonna go back to High School just to be with the girl he loves! It's bothersome and annoying. Pa-lease, I say.
But whither the ROMANCE, Le R.? The squishy, panting, desperate, tepid, bland, misspelled-note-passing HIGH SCHOOL ROMANCE? I know that when I return from the dead to walk the grassy knolls of this life once again, I'll find a pimply high school for to make googly eyes at. Because I didn't feel enough rejection the first time. Hey, wait... I crave rejection... and you are Le R.?!
Hm. Turns out I'll just come back and haunt you.
He's a perv who only wants high school girls. No other explanation works for me. Ew.
THANK YOU for saying this. Arrrrgghhh!
Still? Really?
This preview for Vampires Suck (the upcoming Twilight parody feature film) may alleviate some of your angst.
Ha! And ha again!
As someone who hangs around high schools because she has to eat and put some very nice boys through college, and who never gets to graduate but instead start each year over in a very Groundhog Day sort of existence that a retired colleague refers to as "Grade 13," might I just say:
You are so effing right.
(Unless you are my Secret Author Boyfriend Tom Perrotta, who writes about high school with a transcendent brilliance.)
Le R:
Perhaps it's time to toss that ms with some tongs?
<3,
-J
YES! Love the vid. And the rant!
~Olivia
I'm going back to high school as soon as I really get my sparkle going. Oh yeah. I'm gleaming, baby. All I need is a little more scintillation and I'm off to buy the backpack.
Yep, that clip is Joseph Gordon-Levitt in “(500) Days of Summer,” one of my favorites.
And may I also recommend him in “Brick,” in which Lukas Haas looks like a vampire, but is actually a drug dealer in this film noir independent murder mystery set at a high school.
Gordon-Levitt plays a Sam Spade character, and everyone talks like they’re in a Dashiell Hammett novel, to the point you need a list of the slang, and yet it’s played totally straight. A completely unique film, and a bitter antidote to romantic high school vampires.
Perhaps someone should have just said that the first time the idea was put out there. Just saying.
And seriously, 'writers' are still trying to write that? Boggles the mind.
Also there was that time Joseph Gordon-Levitt played an old guy posing as a high school student.
Priceless comments are priceless.
Good work people.
angry JGL, yum
Howsabout a novel about a dorky 13-year-old trying to get *out* of high school by claiming to be a totally hot 700-year-old kagillionaire with awesome super powers?
You make me happy.
*Snort!* Two thumbs up.
(And Loretta, I like your idea, too.)
Well said!
Your nervous breakdown made me laugh. And feel pretty good about my demeaning repetative job...right on. ;)
I wouldn't go back to high school even if someone gave me a bazillion dollars.
And NO! I am not 700 years old.
Yet.
amen!
You mean to say that, with 700 years to do anything you wanted, you would NOT go back to high-school?
Aren't they supposed to be the best years of your undeath?
Doesn't life as an adult suck in comparison?
Have I asked enough questions yet?
Ah, Twilight? I get it.... topical.
If I were seven hundred years old and rich, I would be too busy trying to take over the world to go to high school ... unless going to high school were part of my plan to take over the world.
Hey, if I were a sexy male immortal I'd totally hang out around high schools because everyone there seems to be pretty gullible. Easy eats ^_^
I like you.
I work in a major publishing house. I am so sick and so tired, like, deep in my soul tired, of vampires.
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