Conversations With Our Support Team
Monday, May 17, 2010
REJECTIONIST: BUT WHAT IF WE ARE SECRETLY A LOSER OF NO TALENT AND NO ONE LOVES US AND IN A FEW YEARS WE ARE SO INCAPACITATED BY OUR OWN FAILURES AS AN ARTIST THAT WE BECOME UNABLE TO LEAVE THE APARTMENT AND MUST TRAIN THE CAT TO CARRY A SMALL BAG TO THE LIQUOR STORE AND FETCH OUR FIFTHS OF BOURBON FOR US GAAAAAAAAAAAAH
SUPPORT TEAM: That would be a really amazing children's movie.
Posts
your support team will never leave you, so you won't have to train the cat.
besides, what are AUTHOR-FRIENDS for if not to be your life companions?
we shall promote your literary wonder into the skies.
never fear.
<3
Cats and bourbon are so ... HEMINGWAY!
Get with the times, chimps and mojitos are where it's at.
Isn't Macaulay Culkin in that movie?
Silly, Le R. Dogs are for fetching. Cats are for wearing boots (and a dashing hat) and running out to get you noticed by a wealthy patron who will make all your dreams come true. In your case: Dream-Agent-Who-Recognizes-Your-Awesomeness-And-Can't-Wait-To-Get-You-A-Book-Contract.
There's a guy in Japan who trained his penguin to go to the grocery store with a backpack and food money.
I'm sure he can tell you how to train your cat. However, getting the cat to return with the booze unopened is another matter.
I thought you could get anything you wanted delivered to your apartment in NY. Is that an urban myth?
Anyhoo...as long as you remain unpublished and pickled in bourbon you still have the glamour of street cred. That's the life of a real artist, you know.
Could be interesting as an adult movie, too, ranging from sci-fi to horror to porn.
My dog learned to fetch me my slippers. Does it count?
OMG. I WOULD GIVE MY MULTI-MILLION DOLLAR MOVIE RIGHTS FOR THAT CAT. I ain't even kidding.
Holy crap, capitalize appropriately and trade bourbon for Gray Goose vodka and you just quoted me.
This pleases me that you suffer how I suffer. ...sorry about that.
What's the going rate to rent out that support team of yours, eh? Not that I have anything to offer other than a key chain/bottle opener and a dried-up Sharpie, but... ya know, for future reference.
Dear Rejectionist,
Please stop typing my feelings on the internet.
Also, here is a picture for you and your Support Team.
XOXO
Jumpin' Jehosaphat - I tip my hat to triceratophat.
What an awesome way to look at the bright side. Yep, I'd like to rent your Support Team, too!
OMG TRICERATOPHAT OMG
Even the Rejectionist has moments of great doubt, Joseph Selby! THE AUTHOR-FRIENDS ARE NOT ALONE IN THEIR SUFFERING
Author Friends will never tire of your straight-up truth and genial abuse.
Cat will not be trained. Such tasks are beneath Cat's dignity.
WE ARE HAVING THE SAME DAY. Only I will have to train my daughter to bring me tequila. And then someone will call child services.
Come ask me a question on my blog today, it will cheer me.
I just had the spooky thought that Support Team reads your blog... and comments on your blog. That Support Team is in fact ONE OF US. Who? WHO? WHO I SAY? And ol' S.T. is watching, watching...
It's like Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego, only Rejectionist Style.
My first guesses are Gordon or Janet Reid.
OMG INK YOU'RE BRILLIANT.
i totally agree.
if you weren't married & didn't have a delightful little baby already I'D SUSPECT IT WERE YOU.
but since that's not really an option, HMMMMMMMMMM
*waves at Support Team*
(I'M A HUGE FAN OF YOUR HTML GENIUS.)
I fear this same thing everyday.
WHAT IF IT'S KEITH POPELY??
My cat keeps drinking my bourbon and topping it off with tap water.
Did she wear a rainslicker in New York? Hmmmmm...
That's what I thought when I woke up this morning. thanks for the awesome answer, I can now carry on with my day :)
This is the most amazing thing I've read all day. <33
I fell over laughing. Yeah, Please stop typing my feelings on the internet.
I plan on sending my little dog out for gin.
I just fear, as my cat presses her paw on my windpipe at four in the morning, that she'll dispense with me and sell my manuscript for a bag of cat nip!
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