FRIDAY; Or, This Week in Queries, With Albatrosses, Demonic, For the Use of
Friday, March 26, 2010
So maybe in the future one of you dear little creatures! will come to literary events with us! and when we are going on at the sizzling afterparty about how terrible someone's story was! you will tug at our arm and say REJECTIONIST THAT PERSON IS STANDING BEHIND YOU!! But it WAS a terrible story, and maybe the universe WANTED the author to know it was a terrible story, and so used the medium of our person to convey this message, and who are we to tamper with the machinations of fate! and anyway it wasn't our fault that CHARMING young man from the catering company took such a SHINE to us and kept refilling our wineglass, WAS IT?
LOTS of people wrote us to thank us for rejecting them this week, or sent us very plaintive missives re: their grandiose aspirations and subsequent failures in the arena of publishing, and we thought of YOU LOVELY PEOPLE and responded to every one of them! so nicely! with helpful links! Maybe also because we just watched all of Life in the Freezer, and the sad little query-friends reminded us greatly of clamoring albatross chicks, and for a moment we envisioned ourself as the far-ranging albatross parent vomiting up the squid of consolation and wisdom into their hungry mouths as we pressed SEND, and now that we wrote that it sounds kind of weird, but metaphor is a very personal language. Peep, peep, wee chicks! Peep!
Lots of demons this week! Scandalous demons, sizzling demons, demons tormented by the Desire to Be Good, steaming hot demon dumplings! Demons are NAUGHTY NAUGHTY NAUGHTY!!!! Maybe we will write a Mem-wah about Queries! And call it Angels and Demons! Isn't that a great title? Angels! and Demons! Strangely familiar, and yet possessed of a certain différance ! Angels and Demons and Derrida: Our Life In Slush OH GOD WE ARE LOOOOOOOOOOOOOSING OUR MIIIIIIIIIIIND
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You seem to have the world's worst case of Foot in Mouth disease. You really should get that looked at.
Unless your foot is tasty :)
I can't decide if you need LESS booze, or MORE booze...
Ooh, I hope "steaming hot demon dumplings!" are available at my local dim sum spot. They'd go well with a splash of chili oil and a dog-eared copy of Good Omens. (C'mon the Divine Comedy was too easy and everyone expects Faust—he's nothing like the Spanish Inquisition)
^_^ Alas, dear le r., I have joined you in the loss of sanity. Excellent.
I don't even know how I got here, but you chicks are weird. WEE-ER-D.
You're losing your mind? I thought you'd already lost it. So this is a glass-is-half-full sort of a moment.
But we love you, foot in mouth and all! :)
So, how many people here have lost at least one copy of Good Omens by lending it out and never getting it back? And who's worn out at least one copy?
Peep. Peep. I'm hungry. I have an idea. How about a retelling of THE EXORCIST but replacing the characters with birds? Maybe even a picture book for kids. The rewards are two-fold - kids learn about the life of the Albatross and how to perfrom an excorism. That's gold Jerry! Gold!
"vomiting up the squid of consolation and wisdom" is the best writing prompt I could have ever wanted to see, not to mention a way of handling my expected whiny encounters of the day. Many thanks.
Maybe it will lead to an "awsmstor" as indicated by my word verification.
@Ink: Sounds more like a glass-too-full sort of a moment. ;)
When in doubt, more booze. Always opt for more booze. Especially if it prompts another post. Drink up Rejectionist, for the good my workday sanity, Chug, Chug, Chug!
Wait! If you feel like you're losing your mind, just picture this:
...far-ranging albatross parent vomiting up the squid of consolation and wisdom into their hungry mouths.
And I guarantee you'll regain your sanity. (Unless, of course, you go make eyes at the charming young wine pourer again, in which case, don't imagine vomiting in any way, shape of form. )
See, Richard, I was leaning toard "steaming hot demon dumplings" as my writing prompt...
But that's a whole' nother genre, I suppose ;)
Yeah. Still peeing my pants a little over that one. Must be Friday.
Go home, Rejectionist. Go home and have a bourbon. Have a few. And a nap.
Dear Rejectionist,
I have read bits of your blog for a few months now, and I'm sorry to say it isn't for me. The constant sarcasm is amusing but wears thin after a while.
I hope this does not infuriate you. Best of luck with your future writings.
Mark, reader
I never get why someone, who doesn't like something, takes the time to write and let the person know. Just do it. Why would that infuriate The Rejectionist? I don't like TWO AND A HALF MEN but you won't see me writing a later explaining my choice to Charlie Sheen and Jon Cryer. Just sayin'!
Wow, I feel dumb. Letter not later.
How is it that every time you post I get yet more ideas for novels that should REALLY EXIST RIGHT NOW. My WIP folder is full of you! YOU ARE EVERYWHERE.
I cannot decide if I want to sulk over the fact I have no time to write them or over the fact there's SO MANY. What are you doing to me, you are an idea factory.
Reading slush for three years almost drive me insane. But it was pre-e-mail days so I had less personal contact with people. We never even used our names for fear someone would call and try to talk to us. I learned after about two years never to respond personally to people because then I'd inevitably hear from them again (ugh).
I'm a slush contributor now and I really don't mind if you send me a form rejection letter! People have to toughen up a bit and not take it personally.
I think Mark liked steaming, hot demon dumplings. Oh well.
Dear Rejectionist,
I have read bits of your blog through bleary eyes and laughed my ass off repeatedly. I now know the joys of coffee snorted through my nose, and trying not to pee myself at the same time.
I think you are for me.
Marsha, Writer
Dear Rejectionist,
I have read bits of your blog for a few months now and noticed many of your Commenters reference problems with peeing when they read your blog.
Perhaps you could run a PSA about getting checked by a urologist?
Thermocline, Writer
Wholly carp, that's delicious.
**big grin
Keep it up, Rejectionist
Anyone else check out "Mark, reader"'s profile? Snerk.
The Internet: Sanity optional.
uh oh.
I generally try to maintain good English, but upon reading M.J. Nicholls's profile, the only thing I can think of saying is "lol".
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