In Which We Reveal the Darkest Secret of All
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
We present to you, Author-friends, the vilest conspiracy of capitalism: Jeff Koons and James Patterson are the same person, and WE CAN PROVE IT.
| James Patterson | Jeff Koons | |
|---|---|---|
| Work dismissed as kitsch promoted by cynical self-advertising | X | X |
| Work produced by factory-like stable of assistants | X | X |
| Married porn star/member of Italian parliament | X | |
| Married employee | X | X |
| Fond of employing gratuitous sexual imagery in work | X | X |
| Shiny | X (covers) | X (sculptures) |
| Has referred to self in third person in interviews | X | X |
| Former business executive | X (advertising) | X (stockbroker) |
| Can be described in four words | "sick, sexist, sadistic and sub-literate" | "artificial, cheap, and unabashedly cynical" |
| Or more | "absurd plotting, facile trickery and prose that is simply dreadful " ST Joshi | "a decadent artist [who] lacks the imaginative will to do more than trivialize and italicise his themes and the tradition in which he works..." Mark Stevens, The New Republic |
| No anagrams can be made from entire name | X | X |
| Startlingly prodigious output | X | X |
| Recent sales exceed those of anyone else working in | X | X |
| Publicly dissed by renowned critic/peer | X (Stephen King) | X (Robert Hughes) |
| Post-Pop | X | X |
| Notable quote | “Thousands of people don’t like what I do. Fortunately, millions do.” | "There’s a difference between being famous and being significant." |
Posts
Ha!
And once again, the anagram eludes us all...
Agreed! Except there is this awesome anagram generator which can make anagrams from anything.
Behold...
James Patterson = Japan Meets Sort, or A Postman Jester
Jeff Koons = well, okay, the awesome anagram generator can anagram ALMOST anything... :-)
This bit of insight is inspired! Now, if you could just explain to me why the Thomas Kincaid "gallery" is busier than the delightful local artist co-op just around the corner the mysteries of the universe would be revealed.
I wasn't convinced until I saw the lack of anagrams. It must be true.
Now I have to go Google what Stephen King said...
The scary part is JP's notable quote, and its real meaning. Scary.
Very clever chart you pulled together for our Humpday happiness and entertainment.
Thanks for the smile...and a new paranoia; a new goal to never be on anyone's chart of shame.
Lola
Rej
If you put KoonsPatterson together in the anagram generator you get:
A Stroke - Non Stop
which about sums it up.
dylan
OMG DYLAN
Oooh, s.w., we need YOUR anagram generator; we were clearly using an inferior program.
How long did it take you to make this chart? Clearly, you don't have enough queries to read. Or perhaps your "form rejection" button is on the fritz and you unintentionally wiped everything out. Hence, we get a chart today because you had nothing better to do. Holy F. I suppose your spinny chair is getting a good workout today as well. Hee hee. ;)
Dear Lydia, we must credit the mad CSS skills of our Support Team for the loveliness of our table. Also we did this over the weekend ON OUR OWN TIME SO THERE.
Le R, how silly--you are not allowed to have your "own time." Your whole life and being is dedicated to crushing dreams, in case you forgot.
Next you're going to say you sleep, or sometimes go out to drinks, instead of constantly being at the beck and call of brilliant yet undiscovered authors.
"Thousands of people don't like what I do"?
Oh, that's the "absurd" part for James. I see.
Because I can't believe it's only thousands.
Rej
What is "s.w." in web-write?
(old-and-in-the-way)
s.w. vaughn, earlier commenter.
I totally see it all now.
But I am one of the thousands that doesn't give a crap about James Patterson.
I am little frightened by him being either some sort of funny postman or having the power to give someone a stroke. Both are just wrong.
Happy to share:
http://wordsmith.org/anagram/
Internet Anagram Server (I, Rearrangement Servant)
:-)
That is a great site for anagrams. When I discovered it last year, I put together this how-to guide for friends:
Here’s how I found good anagrams for my niece.
If I put in her full name, it gives me 45,455 variations. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather spend my summer doing something else than reading all those in the hopes of finding something clever.
So the first thing to do is put a 5 in the box that says “Minimum number of letters in each word.” This will narrow things down to about 5,000.
That’s still too many to read, so start to winnow out the words you don’t like. For instance, I don’t think my niece would enjoy seeing any phrase with the words bowel, macabre, or ogler. Also take out any words you don’t recognize.
The way to do this is jot them all down and then hit the back button and type them in under “Anagrams must exclude these words."
Now comes the fun part – look for words you do want to be in the phrase. For my niece, who has a horse, it was “cowgirl.” That word you put in the “Anagrams must include this word” slot.
That took the list down to just 41 phrases, including Cowgirl Blaze Camel Three.
But all the words are still long. So you turn off the 5 letter word filter. Now you get about 3,000 anagrams.
That’s still a lot, so I took out a bunch more words: mewl lee em ell whet thew heme erg mew rec rem re mag cram clew lac.
I also added the name of her horse, Raz (my niece has the middle name Elizabeth for the z). That brought it all down to just 341 phrases, including:
Each Belle Met Raz Cowgirl
Raz, “Teach Me, Cowgirl Belle”
Raz Call, “Be Thee Me Cowgirl”
For my other niece, who also has a horse, the site gave these:
Mare Swim Calmed Loon
I Mare Woman Smell Cod
Remember you can always change the order of the words they give you for them to make more sense. And adding your middle name will give you many more options.
So yeah, it takes a while, but it’s sure easier than doing it by hand.
Marsha
I was thinking of "stroke" more as a verb, not a noun.
A Non Stop Stroke - think about it.
d
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