One of These Words Is Not Like The Other
Friday, January 8, 2010
1. "Bowl" and "Bowel" (See: "Only she has the power to use the magical Bowel of N'Irthrymia, filled with the Water of Clear Seeing")
2. "Shah" and "Shaw" (See: "Mortimer must fight the evil Shaw of Iran to the death before his terrorist plot to take over the Western World comes to fruition")
3. "Chick Lit" and "Chiclet" (See: "My novel falls into the genre of Chiclet")
4. "Heroin" and "Heroine" (See: "I think you will love my heroin as much as I do")
5. "Feat" and "Feet" (See: "Will his extraordinary feet be enough to save his people?")
And finally: One's interest is "piqued," one "peeks" around a corner, and a "peak" is found atop a mountain. One "pores" over a manuscript to be sure it is free of error, whilst "pouring" the Assistant a much-needed drink.
For what it's worth, we cut y'all a lot of slack in the typo department. Contrary to popular belief, we are also human. But do give proofreading a try in the New Year.
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Actually, each of those could be fine just as they are. In fact, it wasn't too long ago that my own bowel was full of the Water of Clear Seeing. I might've even quoted George Bernard's evil twin in Iran.
But that's taking those lions out of contest of they're queeries, of coarse.
Okay, I totally misread the Mortimer one the first time (even without the typo). I read it to mean that before Mortimer's plan to take over the world would come to fruition, he would have to fight the Shaw of Iran...
To be honest, I was intrigued. :P
Can we also address the lose/loose problem while we're at it? And, if you're writing about a wedding, for heaven's sake, you are STATIONARY when you stick stamps on your STATIONERY, you ALTER the dress to get married at the ALTAR, and you walk down the AISLE and go on honeymoon to an ISLE. Gah.
Amen.
Many a time my heroine does heroin. *Sigh* fingets are too sloppy, not fast...
*f i n g e r s*
Who's to say he didn't have extraordinary feet? Hilarious as always - loved the Chiclet one.
Gives a whole other meaning to "chicklit you can really sink your teeth into."
Le R, you and much more forgiving than I--when I was at a lit agency I rejected any and all word misuses (does anyone know the proper uses of the words "rein" and "reign"? The answer is no). Typos, maybe...but probably rejected.
Then I would dance in the ashes of the dreams of the writers. Hurray!
This maid my day. :)
Ah. Those pesky words that slip rite passed you're spellcheck sense they are reel words but mean something other than what you intend.
Is now a good time to reign in my outrage over such sloppy writing?
His extraordinary feet in rescuing the heroin from the Shaw of Iran, by using his Bowel of N'Irthrymia, will surely peek your interest in my Chiclet novel. (Somebody was bound to do it; might as well be me.)
His shirt was so tight, it looked like Armour-all. He took a sip Zambuka.
I used to spell better before I was struck by lightening.
So... who's sharing their heroin? E-mail address maybe?
As long as none of them ask you to "bare with" them, you should be okay. Maybe after another one of those drinks.
Le R: Just out of curiosity, are those real examples? Or did you just make them up for fun?
The people who make these errors are the same ones who say, "but spell check said it was right!" And I kind of hate those people :)
I do love me some chiclets...
I was proofreading my ms and came across a few times that I fell when I meant to feel. Which actually kind of happens.
I wish I had extraordinary feet. :D
I think my favourite typo of this sort is someone who wrote "I concord" to show their agreement *headdesk*
Alack, Madame R, I fear these sorts of errors are not the result of typographical errors but, rather, the result of functional illiteracy.
Thine,
E
HA!
will his extraordinary feet be enough to save his people?
HA!
love it.
although i don't really awnt to know what the Bowel of N'Irythmia is filled with. does "n'irythmia" remind anyone else of "arrythmia"?
Dear The Rejectionist,
I hope you will consider my novel, TOW THE LINE: A NOVEL ABOUT DE DIGITS ON DEFEET.
Our heroin, Mistee LePedi, has a massive drug problem. It’s the heroine, you sea. It’s interfering with her job as Vice President of Tasteless Gum at Wrigley. My novel is chiclet, and will Shirley apeel to women all lacrosse the world.
The drugs are causing her bowls to hemorrhage. To the rescue comes Dr. Bernard Shah, Bowl Specialist by day, playrite by nite. Can he save her digestive systemic, and her frostbitten toes? Their twisted mountaintop tale of love and eating proper roughage is sure to peak your interest.
Sincerely,
Lucy
Lucy, you scamp. I have now spit out my tea twice.
"Will his extraordinary feet be enough to save his people?"
LMAO! The mind shudders to imagine such appendages!
Man, my manuscript it too long to proofread. I like to think of grammatical inconsistencies as "flavor." Besides, how do you know I didn't mean to write it that way? Maybe I was being ironical.
im so apauled im shuttering in my boots.
ppl should relly learn to spell write cuz its not fare to the wrest of us that spend so much time proofreeding our righting.
omfg all redy.
I wonderful example of how writers cannot rely on spellcheck alone.
When I'm tired, I type "than" instead of "that". For some reason, those are really hard to find when I proofread.
For some reason, my characters want to wear sox, rather than socks.
Funny post.
Much mirth may be gleaned from unthinking use of spell czech.
Hysterical.
I wanted to post something snarky and then remembered my critique group found a similar problem in my manuscript last month. We all do it at one point or another. I just hope (unlike my teenage son) we learn from our mistakes.
I listen to a listener-supported radio station and I am appalled and delighted by similar mistakes made in speech.
They frequently announce "viguals" will be held, which I suspect is a visual vigil. Where they may serve victuals.
Painful events are heart-rendering. (Useful for soap-making, no doubt.)
People are "pillared" for their beliefs. (Perhaps the "pillory" was already booked-up solid.)
dylan
Holy sh*t, Chiclet instead of Chick Lit had me laughing my bum off. I have a hoe lot of respective fore u Rejectionezt.
Great post as always.
I collect malapropisms. Love 'em. These are all very fine specimens.
I have a friend who's an excellent poet and writer, really . . . and on her tag line on her blog banner she refers to herself as a "writer chic". It took me a year to work up the courage to politely correct her, but I probably shouldn't have because she didn't change the banner and I'm not sure we're still friends. (I wish you had an "anonymous" option for posting comments.)
"Their twisted mountaintop tale of love and eating proper roughage.."
AHAHAHAHAHA!
Lucy, you rock ;).
And whatever you do, never accidentally leave the "o" out of "count" when you mention a word count. I did this once while I was querying and the agent was not happy with me.
I have to admit. I spelled barely like barley through my whole manuscript. Luckily I believe in proofreading. Great advice!
Wow! These crack me up completely! Kind of like Leno's Headline segments :) Thanks for the laugh!
"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."
I'm pretty sure I've read shaw in a book somewhere. And not as a last name, but as in healer. Now I'm going to go nuts trying to remember the book.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OonDPGwAyfQ
Try this on for size--performance poetry about just this topic. One of my faves.
hehe - LOVE every one of these.
Disk vs. dick. Several years ago, I had a professor who said we could submit a paper as a print-out or on a floppy DISK.
She didn't use the right word, though.
I once read: He put his hands on her waste. ewwww
I'd just like to thank Disgruntled Bear and Pamela Hammonds for starting my morning with such lovely imagery! :P
You know, another thing I see a LOT, often when critting for beginning or intermediate authors but occasionally in print and yesterday in an AP story (!) is people using words that *don't* sound like the right word but just obviously don't mean what they think. For example, "surly" used to mean "sympathetic".
Scene from Tom Sharpe's "Wilt", where world-weary teacher (Wilt) is being questioned by rather dim policeman...
Policeman (angrily): Are you inferring I'm an idiot?
Wilt (wearily): No. I'm implying you're an idiot. You are inferring it.
Quote: "For what it's worth, we cut y'all a lot of slack in the typo department."
Nice to know! After many spelling checks of my stuff the odd mistake might still hide. A form of word-blindness through familiarity, I guess.
:-)
My favorites are from the PublishAmerica forums, where their victims occasionally proclaim that they are newly-published "authers" and "authurs."
Your funny.
Oh, well said, Rejectionist. Please, take a bough.
This made my day. And Disgruntled Bear and Pamela Hammonds, you had me in tears laughing. Really, I needed this tonight. Thanks.
I would love to sneer, but I once submitted a romance where I substituted viral for virile in describing the hero. Not QUITE the effect I was going for.
I desperately want to title this post, "Homonym or homonumb." Perhaps I will link to you and do just that. :)
okay, I confess. My heroine had an organism today during sex.
Like I used to always say...
If reeding you're techs t'is all-most tore-chore fore pea-pull, pleas bee shore two ewes thee rye-towards too right hear inn thee four-umms; its aweigh too lettuce no ewer knot uh more-ron. It snot sew vary harred two due atoll. Thing-queue.
Thank you - this was hysterical. As a bonus, it reminded me of the thank-you we got last year for a wedding gift of "crystal bowels." Happy times here.
Madam, you make one's face hurt for the best of reasons.
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