sometimes nothing can be a real cool hand
About

Well! Dear Author-friends, look at that! it is very nearly the End of our Year! A year which has, in all honesty, been a smorgasbord of delights for our person, not least because it has brought us all of YOU. This little Rejectionist creature has taken on a life of her own, to the extent that we sometimes in times of difficulty ask ourself what the Rejectionist would do (show up to work drunk and in strange outfit, punch Enemy of the People on subway (after first making sure EoP was not our POPS HA HA HA OH POPS IT JUST NEVER GETS OLD!!!!), throw manuscript across room shouting WHAT IS THIS GARBAGE DO YOU PEOPLE FUCKING HATE ME, eat a puppy).

We are daily astounded and delighted and amazed and filled to the brim with joy and gratitude that all you divine people keep coming back here!!!! and you say such clever things!!! and legitimate industry professionals have been so kind to us!!! and for reals, are you SURE? has there not been some mistake, where you meant to read a blog that was, like, useful, and wearing sensible shoes, and not making smacking noises when it chews? and WTF, y'all, our job is GETTING PAID TO SIT IN THE SPINNY CHAIR AND READ ALL DAY. Who gets to do that? Seriously, how is that even a JOB? That's what we do for FUN. Even better, we get to work for an agent who is smart and funny and really really nice, we get to hang out in bars with attend readings given by Real Writers who are "Steve's" fabulous, fabulous, insanely talented clients, AND we get to send people emails telling them their books are good, which never stops making us happy. Our job is possibly the best job ever, and believe us, we have had a whole lot of jobs, and know of which we speak.

With that, Author-friends, we are going to take a brief sabbatical from being the Rejectionist and return to the less exciting activity of being our own self from now until the New Year. No queries! No manuscripts! No witticisms of "Steve!" Just, you know, frolicking around New York, taking lots of naps, and possibly even giving some attention to our Novel, which has been sulking in a corner muttering sotto voce that we did not move to New York in order to talk about ourself on the internets all day. And when we return on January 4th you had better be READY, because 2010 is going to be the year we RAISE THE BAR OF AWESOME, and y'all had BETTER BE THERE WITH US.

Are you going to send us mediocre queries? NO YOU ARE NOT. Are you going to give up halfway through your book? NO YOU ARE NOT. Are you going to make us read anything that is less than ten-thousand-times-rewritten-until-it's-totally-perfect? NO YOU ARE NOT. Are you going to send us THE BEST BOOK EVER? YES YOU ARE! BRING IT! NOW GET TO WORK!!!!!

Lydia Sharp said...

How motivating. I almost nearly shed a slight tear.
If there is a particular breed of puppy that you find more tasty than the others, just say the word and I'll send you a truckload of them ASAP. Or STAT. Whichever.
See you in 2010! :)

December 22, 2009 9:55 AM
Leslie said...

"eat a puppy." I spit tea all over my keyboard.

December 22, 2009 10:03 AM
Blogging Mama Andrea said...

Okay Okay. Geesh, best seller coming up alright? Don't get snippy about it!

Happy Holiday and New Year. I look forward wholeheartedly to seeing what the new year will bring.

December 22, 2009 10:04 AM
Carolyn said...

Happy Holidays and a lovely new year to you, Rejectionist. May all your wishes come true. Even those ones.

December 22, 2009 10:26 AM
Marsha Sigman said...

How could we not love you?

You make us take a hard look at what we do and dig a little deeper to be better. Of course, laughing hysterically the entire time helps.

Happy Holidays!

December 22, 2009 10:39 AM
Susan Quinn said...

If I promise to keep polishing, will you let the puppy live? Please?

Wishing you all kinds of fun and drinks and holiday-wackiness-that-you-will-share-in-the-New-Year, YES?

December 22, 2009 10:44 AM
Renee Pinner said...

You do, most definitely have the best job ever.

December 22, 2009 10:46 AM
Leona said...

This post makes me long for your agency for representation. I will have to look into what you guys take. Before, I was reading/networking for fun and learning. (this blog is on both lists :) Now, after this last week of posts, despite you being responsible for twilight (*tongue in cheek, seriously a good pick for popularity!), I find myself wanting to have you say, pick her, pick her LOL

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and all that stuff.

December 22, 2009 10:46 AM
Ink said...

I ate a puppy just yesterday. It was a weiner dog. I get confused easily.

December 22, 2009 11:27 AM
maine character said...

Congrats on the year, and enjoy your break!

For me this year was the one in which I discovered publishing blogs. It started with an author's blog mentioning the fabulous INTERN, which has led me in ever widening paths to this site and Lydia's and Moonrat's and Eric's, and just yesterday I hit Nathan's for the first time, and while I'm going to have to put a limit on this thing soon (I didn't move to the woods to read the internet all day), I'll just take another noggin'-sloshin' slosh of nog and get all sentimental and say that after near twenty years of having my only ties to the writing world be rereading articles from Writer's Digest, whatever I found on the tiny reference shelf at the local Bookland, and the collected letters of Twain, Keats, and Emily Dickinson to keep me feeling connected to our ancient tribe of decadent dreamers and music-makers, “World-losers and world-forsakers, / Upon whom the pale moon gleams,” these blogs and their wonder of instant connection have really warmed this heart of mine, and so I'd like to send out a huge thanks to all for such insightful, coffee-spewing posts and for letting me be a part of your collective sincere derangement. And spinny chairs.

So a toast to all, to all a good night, and may your New Year be filled with the best you'll write.

December 22, 2009 11:33 AM
Rebecca Knight said...

YAAAAAAAH!!!! I feel like one of those dudes in the crowd when William Wallace was yelling at them about Freedom :D.

Thanks for the pep talk and all of the advice/insight/hilarity this year!

December 22, 2009 12:05 PM
Loretta Ross said...

Merry Christmas, Happy Yule and Hannukah and Kwanzai (sp?) and a wonderful New Year! And thanks so much, again, for all the laughs.

(Segue to Bob Hope singing Thanks For The Memories.) :D

December 22, 2009 12:11 PM
Laurel said...

Who are you and what have you done with LeR? If this is a hostage scenario you should know she has minions. I'm just sayin'.

And if it is not a hostage situation and LeR is really feeling so incredibly magnanimous, remember to drink a glass of water and take an aspirin between each bottle of sake.

December 22, 2009 1:04 PM
noni said...

I spent most of my life slogging along as a secretary, wanting to write but not believing enough in myself to do it, even after reading "Do What You Love, the Money Will Follow."

You, my dear, whoever the hell you are, inspire and entertain me more than you can know.

Thank you, and have a wonderful holiday! I'll be sitting here in my own spinny chair writing, and waiting for "The Rejectionist" to show up in Bold in my feed reader.

"There are people whom one loves immediately and forever. Even to know they are alive in the world is quite enough." Nancy Spain
British Broadcaster and Journalist

December 22, 2009 1:13 PM
Joseph L. Selby said...

Mmmmmmm, barbecue puppy...

Have a nice vacation. Read you next year.

December 22, 2009 1:47 PM
Thomas Taylor said...

I'm sick of glaring at the underside of that bar!

December 22, 2009 2:28 PM
Brandi G. said...

Enjoy your vacation, but, please, spare the puppies. If anything, eat children. There are far too many bratty children out there.

;)

(Yes, that was my attempt to be humorous.)

December 22, 2009 2:39 PM
DPirate said...

Righteous blog.

That is all, for now.

December 22, 2009 3:04 PM
CKHB said...

Are you available for personal pep talks come the new year? Call me!

December 22, 2009 3:33 PM
myimaginaryblog said...

Those novels' voces are just too sotto sometimes, aren't they? It might be good if they'd scream at us. (I'm only speaking suppositionally, since my own novel's not even a twinkle in my eye at this point.)

Many festive festivities to you!

December 22, 2009 4:40 PM
Jemi Fraser said...

And this is why I try very hard not to be eating or drinking when I read your posts. Puppies?!

Have a fabulous, restful and fun-filled Christmas season :)

December 22, 2009 6:12 PM
lora96 said...

Loved the post, very motivating.

And I *swear* I will cut a bunch of the repetitive brooding out of my WIP if you will spare the puppy. Cats are fine though, they make me sneeze and leap unexpectedly. Feel free to snack on those.

And we will miss you while you are resuscitating your novel-of-advanced-awesomeness and indulging in holiday revelry.

:)

December 22, 2009 7:14 PM
Susan Quinn said...

Lora96 - I have to ask! Do the cats leap unexpectedly, or do you?

(Sorry, I'm in a silly mood today)

December 22, 2009 8:03 PM
lora96 said...

Oooh, good question, Susan--BOTH actually. As in, when frightened by the unanticipated attack of an allergenic cat I have been known to sneeze whilst leaping back in an unexpected fashion of my own!
You soo made my day with that :P smarty pants!!!!

December 22, 2009 8:48 PM
Amy Kinzer said...

Happy holidays Le R and thanks for the writerly pep-talk. We need those sometimes.

Looking forward to the new year. Bring on the awesome!

December 23, 2009 4:03 AM
The Rejectionist said...

OH LOOK HOW PRECIOUS ALL YOU DEAR PEOPLE ARE

Dearest Laurel, we DO succumb to the perils of sentiment from time to time. Don't get used to it or anything.

December 23, 2009 11:51 AM
Jess Haines said...

Le R,

You are, as always, awesome.

<3,
-J

December 23, 2009 3:53 PM
Ink said...

Oh, I loved The Last Samurai. That was a good book.

December 24, 2009 8:27 AM
Carleen Brice said...

Cheers and happy new year!

December 25, 2009 3:59 PM
Sarah Allen said...

Great post! The new years is upon us, and you've got some great ideas on how to use it to make our writing life better. Thanks!

Sarah Allen
(my creative writing blog. I have some of my own ideas for New Years resolutions for writers.)

December 27, 2009 3:50 PM
Gypsy K said...

If I weren't in a very,very QUIET computer lab working on...*ahem* my novel of course, rewritting it for the 9-thousandth time, I would be in a fit of laughter and tears on the floor. Nothing beats eating puppys and sitting in spinny chairs.

Cheers!!

xoxo,
K

December 28, 2009 4:28 PM
mig said...

One more vote for the puppy eating.

Mmmmmmmmmm.

mig

December 30, 2009 7:18 PM
kanishk said...

Happy Holiday and New Year. I look forward wholeheartedly to seeing what the new year will bring.

kobe beef

December 30, 2009 11:13 PM
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