Memoir Topics That Are Not, In Fact, of Inherent Interest, And Do Require Some Effort On Your Part In Order to Constitute A Successful Book
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Asia (travel to, dalliances in, obsession with, adoption of infant from), car sales (career in, as metaphor), courageous forebears, chronic insomnia, current generation (feebleness of, May-December liaisons with), eating disorders, extraterrestrials (abduction by, romances among), failure, famous people (attempts to become, brief sycophantic encounters with), genocide (evasion of, heroism in), imprisonment, medical difficulty, melancholy, military service (evasion of, heroism in), personal collapse, problem solving, sex (introduction to, activities concerning), spiritual journey, terminal illness (noble battles with).
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What happens if your book has ALL of those? Yeah? Yeah?
Then YOU MAKE THE ASSISTANT CRY.
I beg to differ. My spouse Xualaxar and I find lots of inherent interest in extraterrestrial romance. And we're tired of it being ghettoized into the "ET" section of the book store.
I think the post title should actually be "Memoir Topics That Are Not, In Fact, of Inherent Interest, And Do Require Some Effort On Your Part In Order To Constitute A Successful Book, Unless You Are Famous Or Have A Sex Tape Floating Around Somewhere, In Which Case Asia and Your Spiritual Journey Are All You Really Need"
I'll be so relieved when historical memoirs go back to being stuffy, trivia filled nuggets of fact. Sex, drugs & fiction...too much of a reminder that school means I have no life beyond my work.
Sweet, vampires are still a go.
What about childhood adventures with your canine companion? That has to be an inherit best seller! No?
Just throw in a vampire and a few teens in there.. It'll work.
I. believe.
Fine, leave us nothing.
But what if the genocidal hero has a terminal illness :(? Do I have to shelf my life's work??
Ha ha. I misread "famous people...brief sycophantic encounters with" as brief schizophrenic encounters and thought - that sounds cool. Surely, there is something like that out there? Somebody?
I missed a comma and read "problem-solving sex." My husband would so be on-board if I started working my way through a memoir about solving all problems through sex.
"Honey, we're out of milk!"
"Alright, let's discuss that between the sheets!"
Oh. Wendy. You have the "Men are from Mars Women are from Venus" of the modern era.
Apart from what is sure to be a stellar offering from Wendy, I have to say that apart from A Tramp Abroad I've little use for memoirs in general.
My fantastic new book, titled,
Bulemic Homosexual Chinese Travel Diary while in the Army (of Jesus) Plus I Fucked Adam Lambert
comes out December 1st!
Check it OUT!
You have effectively shattered the hopes and dreams of a bazillion would-be writers who thought their lives were messed up enough to make a bestseller.
All in a day's work. Cheers.
I just ripped my manuscript to shreds and threw the pieces into the air.
Back to the drawing board...
The Assistant's tears had better be of joy, because an all-of-the-above memoir would be AWESOME. Don't deny.
I am so not into reading memoirs I was appalled to realize I was writing one. LOL!
It's written now and off to be edited so I don't have to think about the next step until after the new year. Wee Hee! Back to writing romance novels, they are so more REAL!
@Rick Daley: Lestat already did it.
I have a friend, a retired machinist who now works at Walmart to make ends meet, who has the background and materials to write a memoir I'm dying to read.
Back in the early fifties, when he was about eleven, he got a job as a batboy for the New York Yankees. He worked with them for nearly a decade doing various jobs, batboy, handling equipment, manning the old-style wooden score board. He was friends with the likes of Roger Maris, Whitey Ford, Yogi Berra and Mickey Mantle. He went out drinking with some of these guys when he was in his mid-teens. He was there for all the playoffs, the big games, all of that!
He still has tons of pictures, balls, bats, souvenirs, and he's been talking for a long time about writing his memoirs someday. I don't think he ever will. He's just not a writer. I've considered begging him to let me write it for him, but I don't know him *that* well and I don't even know how to phrase the question. :-/ Sigh.
Loretta, you might enjoy the first story in the live-streamed "Radio Hour 1" episode of The Moth, found here. (It's a former bat boy who also knows how to tell a great tale.)
"extraterrestrials (abduction by, romances among)"
Romances among? Memoirs? As in this really happened? (Or someone believed it really happened?)
After going to Asia to study the local culture as revealed by car sales, I returned to the ancient home of my courageous forebears (who acted heroically in the military to help prevent genocide) to deal with the chronic insomnia and eating disorders that afflicted me, along with many others in the current generation, only to be taken aback by my failure to prove that certain famous people are in fact extraterrestrials who are responsible for the world's medical difficulties and terminal illnesses... of course my problem-solving efforts to prove my case led to unjust imprisonment, which made me melancholy and ultimately was responsible for my personal collapse... fortunately, thanks to lots of sex (chapters seven through thirty-five), I have now completed my spiritual journey!
I have included the full manuscript as an attachment for your review.
I very much like the title of this post. Very clear. Huzzah!
Btw, I love reading these posts and comments. Very funny.
Happy Thanksgiving all!
myimaginaryblog, thanks for the link! Unfortunately, I have dial-up and can't do streaming anything. Is this something I could download to my flash drive at the library?
*G* @ CKHB. *G*
I totally think CKHB has a best seller on her hands!!!
@CKHB:
I will have you know that my imprisonment of you (chapter thirteen) was not unjust!
I admit it. I would buy CKHB's memoir if I read that on the back of the cover.
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