Topics That Are Not, In Fact, of Inherent Interest, and Do Require Some Effort On Your Part in Order to Constitute a Successful Book
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Alcoholism (of self, of parents), amulet discovery, autism, being a musician, being a twenty-year-old musician with existential torments, being a twenty-year-old musician with existential torments who lives in Brooklyn (don't feel bad; even Jonathan Lethem can't make that interesting), bipolar disorder, crime spree ending in small dusty Mexican town, cubicle jobs (depression resulting from, comedies about, hijinks therein), death (of father/mother/fiancé/e/spouse/child), demons (existential), demons (romances with, escape from, pursuit by), drugs (career in sales of, use of, rescuing friends from), hedge-fund mis/management, investment banking (scandals in, exposés of, thrilling ascents and perilous crashes in the field of), meeting hot chicks, military service, mob (romances with, escape from, pursuit by), schizophrenia, synesthesia, terrorism, thinking positively in difficult times, your life.
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My life is, like, totally inherently interesting. I mean, yeah, I stare at a computer screen a lot, but I think really interesting thoughts while doing it. So I'm sure a rambling stream-of-consciousness memoir about this experience needs no marketing effort whatsoever. I mean, SHAZAM, it's right there. Totally interesting.
Tee hee. Talk to DFW about that one, kiddo.
What about zombies eating all those people?
Oooh! I can't wait for DFW's final novel about the IRS and boredom! Gimme gimme gimme!
Jon--I would read the crap out of that book :).
What??? Schizophrenia? How can that not be inherently interesting? You had me right up until then, though.
Oh... wait. Synethesia? You ran across a synethesia book that was no good?
You've grown jaded underneath your skull there, TR. Some things have to be cool just due to unequivocable awesomeness.
You're out of your mind. It's all I can think. If synethesia can't make the cut than my autobiographical ramblings about my life as a mutant banshee from the river styx just won't cut it.
Big old lol right here.
Holy hell - what's left to write about? lol
I'm actually incredibly proud to say that I haven't featured any of those! (Ah, yet.)
I have nothing clever to say, but I love this blog, this list, & that you have alphabetized said list.
Did someone already mention zombies?
Oh, snap! There goes my hopes for that memoir.
What if you combine several of these things?
What about a twenty-year-old alcoholic demon who is playing the guitar in Brooklyn while suffering existensial torments and synesthesia?
Is she inherently interesting?
What if she mismanaged a hedge fund from a cubicle and then fled to a small dusty Mexican town?
You have GOT to leave us something here!
Schozophrenic twenty-year old zombies with existential torments who live in Brooklyn?
I do believes you write the most entertaining blog on the interwebs. It may get me fired.
Damn! There goes my Pulitzer prize-winning idea of a guitar-playing alcoholic demon who's depressed in his cubicle job, runs a corrupt hedge-fund in his free time, and is addicted to mescaline while popping the occasional 'lude. In Brooklyn. Back to the drawing board...
And yet, I would almost certainly read blog posts about nearly any of these topics (except for maybe the 20-year-old Brooklyn musicians, with apologies to said musicians.) I guess this means I would give most of these topics 10 to 20 minutes of my life but no space on my bookshelves.
It took me until terrorism to notice that the list was alphabetized, but when I did notice it, it made me very happy.
What about Monster Westerns? (meaning Westerns with Giant Monsters). Gonna lasso me a Godziller sho 'nuff. Totally inherently interesting peeps.
Darling author-friends, we did not mean to say you are NOT ALLOWED to write about these things; only that you are still obliged to do a good job if you do. Zombies are not on this list because zombies ARE inherently interesting. Obvs.
Brains...
I'd leave a sassy comment, but I'm not done drinking myself into the first topic yet.
Love it. Wonder if I can write a book incorporating all of the above!
Kate xx
I want to read lapetus999's monster western.
Relieved to see that "Children's musicians, rebelling" is NOT on that list.
Next I'm going to write "Going Rouge," a memoir about me as a Sarah Palin impersonator.
I would get up early to buy Alyson Greene's book. Is that bad?
Can I put in a pre-order for the Monster Western and Going Rouge? I don't see the little shopping cart? Where's the little shopping cart?
Crap! I'm so screwed...
I'm taking a writing class at UCLA and I think you summed up most of my classmates' plots right here. Two of them also end their books with the main character dying of a brain anuerysm - is that trendy now?
Sweet, my novel doesn't even come remotely close to any of these subjects.
Yes! Someone wants to buy my fake book (thanks Melanie K). Now if only someone wanted to buy my real one. sigh.
Also: urban chick who skankily has sex with many guys but none of them is capable of seeing her tragic inner self
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