More Stuff That Bores Us; Or, Knock It Off, Already
Monday, September 14, 2009
People in comas, dead fiancés, being cheated on, infanticide, “a sparing style” (Yes, please! Spare us!), “this book starts in the past and ends in the future,” poetry, novels written “in the style of a screenplay,” al-Qaeda, “a story of depraved sexual torture and serial murder," conspiracy theories based on children’s television programming, the midlife crises of middle-aged men. THE MIDLIFE CRISES OF MIDDLE-AGED MEN. Are we repeating ourselves? Every week? Why yes, yes, we are. APPARENTLY IT’S NOT WORKING.
Also, it is extremely probable that you are writing a PARANORMAL YA novel. Not PARANOID.
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conspiracy theories based on children’s television programming
Are you trying to tell me that Barney and the Teletubbies were not part of some insidious plot?
One of my friends, btw, actually had one of the "obscene" teletubby dolls that were subsequently recalled.
Now I keep thinking about how awesome a paranoid YA novel would be. I mean, I think the narrator would have to be paranoid, not the novel itself, but still - cool!
I think you're paranoid. I'm the only one in the world writing a paranormal YA. It's about this boy vampire that falls in love with this girl who's a werewolf/merperson (but she doesn't know it) and there's this other guy who's a cross between a warlock/faerie but he's also one-eight French. Do you think "Steve" will be interested??
(Also, I think there is a massive need for a scarasm font...)
I was in a coma. It was pretty interesting but the year afterwards was hella dull. Will make a mental note in what remains of my brain never to write about it.
:)
Oooh, sarcasm font! What a awesome idea, Jade!
And YA characters are often paranoid enough. Because it's always all about them.
No, I meant paranoid, as well as a few other mental disorders. I write, therefore I am paranoid.
God, I hope that wasn't my autobiography they were reviewing.
I think there's actually a paranoid YA book coming out this year... the parents are trying to use mind control on all the kids. It's a totally viable concept!
I'm with you on the midlife crises, though.
What about the midlife crises of middle-aged women?
*wink*
What about neurotic fiction, rather than erotic? That's one the author better figure out quickly.
Thank you for confirming, once again, that I would never, ever, ever, ever, ever want your job.
I don't suppose you would be interested in my novel then?
Its about a middle aged man suffering a midlife crisis after his recovery from a coma that was a result of a car accident in which his cheating fiance died. He decides to write a paranoid YA novel about a teenager who is on the run from Al-Qaeda after escaping their sexual torture.
She falls in with a ring of serial murderers who take thier orders from various hidden messages imbedded in every show on Nickelodean. She decides to return to Al-Qaeda.
I was safe until the last accusaton. Drat...
is it paranoid YA if i'm convinced the vampires are after me?
CKHB: "the parents are trying to use mind control on all the kids."
I have teenagers. Let me know how that works out, will you?
I too am sick of paranormal YA. I'm writing ABnormal YA, and yes: there's a donkey.
Your posts always make me giggle. I picture you standing on a soapbox somewhere, yelling at a clueless writer wannabe, 'No I do NOT want to read your midlife crisis memoir!'
Some of these trends are so bizarre, that I'm always entertained and amazed :D. Thank you for sharing!
Infanticide... really? Whoa, people. Just... no.
Wait. How did you know I was writing a paranormal novel? Is there a conspiracy theory I’m unaware of? I knew I shouldn't be watching SpongeBob Squarepants when the kids aren't home. It's Plankton, isn't it?
I love how the entire genre of poetry is in there between "this book starts in the past and ends in the future" and novels written "in the style of a screenplay."
Crap. My jaw just fell off.
What about a mid-life crisis story involving a man who decides he simply must kill his literary agent, his editor at his publishing house...and he must not be nice about it.
Sounds like you'd read THAT ONE!
http://www.deadlitagent.blogspot.com
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