Osa is the superstar genius behind Shotgun Seamstress, a zine by, for, and about black punks, queers, misfits, feminists, artists, musicians, weirdos, and the people who support them. Shotgun Seamstress is always a treat, full of interviews with musicians, thoughtful essays, and profiles of often-overlooked but hugely important black artists and punk hero/ines. Osa also writes a smart and funny column for Maximum Rocknroll (source of our new motto: "if you want to see yourself represented, you have to represent yourself") and plays in the facemelting band The New Bloods. You can get Shotgun Seamstress here.

Why did you decide to start Shotgun Seamstress?

i wanted to create a tiny space where all of my identities weren't conflicting, but instead flowing harmoniously with each other. making that zine is like building my own house to live in with all of my best friends, chosen family and heroes. i also wanted to talk about race in punk in an updated way, and from a new and different perspective and context than the people of color zines of the late 90s and early 2000s.

What is so appealing to you about punk and punk communities? How do you deal with racism/sexism/homophobia in punk, and what keeps you strong?

i am in love with diy culture. for me, it is an inspiring and positive way to dismantle white supremacist patriarchy and to resist capitalist consumer identity. punk and diy culture, in its most ideal sense, is ultimately about everyone being able to have a voice and be heard. it gives us all the authority to be leaders instead of the more capitalist, mainstream, hierarchical model that says that only a chosen few are experts or leaders. diy culture in its purest sense is empowering to everyone and isn't limited to arts & culture. recently i've been talking to people about how diy & punk can be a launching pad for action and activism in other realms.

being involved with punk & diy has made all of my dreams come true. ever since i found out about punk rock, i've done so many things i never thought i could do. it's given me a community and i've even found chosen family through it. i also stick with punk because i am obsessed with punk rock music. i like a lot of different kinds of music but punk is awesome because it is so accessible, hands-on and obvious and because it expresses a political and emotional reality that i relate to.

i deal with racism, sexism, homophobia in punk by being very selective about my interactions within that community. when i was younger, i was way more willing to be the only woman, queer person, or black person in a band or at a show or whatever. i can't do that anymore. i think i walk around with a wall up, a little bit, when it comes to meeting new punk kids. maybe not a wall, but a screen. i've been around too long to keep putting myself in the same stupid situation over & over again, having the same stupid conversation with the same straight white dude who never seems to grow up. i've had enough. i'm not even sure i could tell you the last time i dealt with homophobia in the punk scene. i just don't go there with people anymore. more often, i associate with people who are proud to be brown, proud to be women, proud to be queer, and who make me feel proud to be those things too. i feel lucky to be able to have the opportunity to hang out with people like that.

what keeps me strong: meditation, my family, being in love, positive feedback & support from people across the country & the world

Who are some of your punk and metal heroes?

punk heroes: adee roberson (new bloods) & brontez purnell (the younger lovers); metal heroes: lozen (two piece metal band from tacoma washington)

Some books you've read lately that you found pleasing?

the neighborhood story project series =books written by teens about their own neighborhoods in new orleans before katrina.

This is our new favorite blog ever.

ALSO! Author-friend/fiancée CKHB has published a short short in Boston Literary Magazine! Woooo CKHB!!!!

Also! Beloved interview alumnus/coolest YA author in universe Olugbemisola Rhuday-Perkovich is reading TOMORROW at the Brooklyn Central Library as part of NYC Teen Author Fest, along with about a million other totally fabulous people, so you should probably go. She's also signing books in Manhattan Friday and Saturday, also with some other totally fabulous people, including the brilliant Neesha Meminger (whose Shine, Coconut Moon is currently in the vast pile of to-be-read books threatening to collapse our apartment). If you don't live here THEY MAKE THESE CRAZY THINGS CALLED AIRPLANES.

At Cosmo's Fun Fearless Males the Booker Awards, Mario Lopez Hilary Mantel confessed, "I'm not really working on trying to find Ms. Right an agent. I'm kind of working on being Mr. Right a totally amazing writer, and it will happen." It got us thinking: Not only is Mario Hilary freakin' hot, [s]he's also pretty damn insightful. And experts agree: Before you go looking for your other half the perfect agent, you may want to work on yourself book first.

Here are the qualities that make you more desirable to guys agents. Think of it as your pre-dating querying to-do list.

1. You're just that into yourself.

A chick writer may have smarts, sex appeal, and a sense of humor, but if s/he doesn't have self-confidence, most guys agents will take a pass. Womenriters with low self-esteem come across as extremely needy, explains Jim Houran, PhD, relationship psychologist and feature columnist for OnlineDatingMagazine.com. They have to be the center of attention and are constantly looking for reassurance and compliments. And even if you find an guy agent who at first is willing to be your personal cheerleader, before long s/he's probably going to start to agree with all the crap you say about yourself book and take a hike.

2. You've got a burning passion...and not just for him an agent.

Whether it's writing is a hobby or a job, men agents are undeniably attracted to women with clear interests writers who are passionate about their work, write because they love writing, and have lots of enthusiasm, according to Houran. The benefits are twofold: The guy agent won't feel totally responsible for your happiness — a huge weight to put on a new love interest agent-writer partnership — and s/he'll be more inclined to want to be a part of your multifaceted life writing career.

3. You know how to compromise.

This is one of the most important skills to have if you're looking to get into a long-term relationship, emphasizes Houran. Being flexible is a huge turn-on to guys agents, since it means less conflict and a smoother partnership in general, he adds. If an guy agent senses that the girl he's dating writer s/he's signing isn't willing to try to meet both their needs, s/he envisions a future of trivial disagreements, fighting, and ultimatums — not exactly the makings of a happy twosome. Prove you know how to compromise early on by letting him/her weigh in on the restaurant choice editing process or not acting annoyed if s/he needs to reschedule plans phone calls or meetings.

4. You dress for guys online critique groups, not girls agents.

If you[r book is] not turning heads, it could be because you're looking girl-hot and not guy-hot sending out an ms with sloppy errors - typos, inconsistencies, or significant grammatical errors. Polish that shit until you can see your reflection! Skinny jeans, babydoll dresses, peasant tops — all supercute, but you might as well be wearing a Snuggie. Men want to see curves, so stick with sexy the remainder of this item is redacted because the Rejectionist found it too horrifying to repeat even for the purposes of satire.

5. You're over your ex first draft.

Nothing kills a budding romance agency agreement quicker than being hung up on an old boyfriend draft of your book. So before you get serious with a new guy agent, make sure you're not hoping — or worse, trying — to get back together with the ex or looking for someone just like him resurrect a draft - or worse, an entire first novel - that's totally unsalvageable. It's relationship-repelling for two reasons: No dude agent wants to feel like s/he's in an unwinnable competition signing an author who can't handle editing, and if you're living in the past, you won't truly be motivated to meet and make a connection with new guys work on new projects. So ladies Author-friends, move on and get an upgrade revise.

WAYNE: Hi guys! What's up! This is Wayne, from the excellent TV Show Wayne's World! And over here is Garth. Say hi, Garth!

GARTH: Hi guys! Party time! Excellent!

WAYNE: So listen, the weirdest thing happened to me this weekend! I was just gearing up for the Alice Cooper show, when I got a phone call! And there was this CRAZY LADY on the other end!

GARTH: Totally crazy!

WAYNE: Yeah, I said that already! Anyway, she kept yelling some stuff! It sounded like, I can't pick a contest winner! I can't pick one! They're all too good! And I said, Whoah, lady, you gotta calm down!

GARTH: Calm down!

WAYNE: Yeah! And she said, You have to help me! And I was like, Okay, cool!

GARTH: Cool!

WAYNE: So then she sent me all these metal lyrics! Only, they weren't, like, metal songs! Or I mean, they were like metal songs, but with different words! They were about books or something!

GARTH: Yeah, books!

WAYNE: So that was kind of weird! But even though I didn't really understand them, I could tell they were really awesome! And I was supposed to pick the best one!

GARTH: There were songs, too!

WAYNE: I was getting to that! Yeah, some people even recorded songs! That was pretty killer! This guy Tom and this other guy Rick Daley, they had some awesome covers!

GARTH: Tell them about the part where Rick Daley made the tearing paper sound effect!

WAYNE: Oh yeah, that part was cool! Then there was this really excellent duet! Who ever heard of a heavy metal duet? But this lady Lucy Woodhull, she made a really great duet!

GARTH: Yeah!

WAYNE: And there was this totally killer drop-crotch pants reference in d minus 's song!

GARTH: What's drop crotch?

WAYNE: I dunno! I bet it looks cool in New York or something, though!

GARTH: Not Milwaukee!

WAYNE: Noooooooooo, Garth. So also, this lady Kimberly Kincaid had a really good one too, there was stuff about zombies being over!

GARTH: Zombies were out in 1990!

WAYNE: I know that, Garth! Yeah, and this McCormick person even dropped a Kristeva reference!

GARTH: Who's Kristeva?

WAYNE: The author of Desire in Language: A Semiotic Approach to Literature and Art , who was heavily criticized by Gayatri Spivak, among others, for her ethnocentric feminist theory! Everybody knows that!

GARTH: Oh.

WAYNE: So anyway, I guess I had to pick the best one! It was hard! These people are really funny!

GARTH: Funny!

WAYNE: And people recorded songs and stuff! It was like the coolest contest I ever saw!

GARTH: Cool!

WAYNE: So then we thought there should be a battle between the finalists!

GARTH: Yeah! Like this one!

WAYNE: Excellent! But we don't have a prairie!

GARTH: No! No prairie!

WAYNE: But I wanted to help this crazy lady out! And it took me a long time, but there was this one, it had the greatest lines ever! Like this: "Like Animal Farm but set in space!" Or "if you want to write, pretend you care"!

GARTH: Man, those are pretty good. But wasn't that the Aerosmith song? Aerosmith isn't metal.

(Pause)

WAYNE: Well, if you make a Guns 'N Roses station on Pandora, you get Aerosmith songs.

GARTH: That's cool, then!

WAYNE: So yeah! So we picked a winner!

GARTH: It was hard!

WAYNE: And we weren't worthy! We're not worthy! But the winner is...

GARTH: The winner is...

WAYNE and GARTH: TRICERATOPHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WAYNE: So this person gets a query critique! and a book! and should email rejectionistandyourmom at gmail.com to claim these items!

GARTH: But also a special prize!

WAYNE and GARTH: OF A HEAVY METAL MOTORCYCLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To the tune of "Love in an Elevator" by Aerosmith:

Workin' like a dog for the boss man
Workin' for the agency
And every single day I'm tossin'
Out toothless vampire fantasy

And it seems the more I look
The more bad queries I find
I can tell not one of these should be a book
Just from the opening lines

Pitch in an elevator
"It's like Moby Dick meets My Two Dads"
Pitch in an elevator
"Like Sixth Sense crossed with the Iliad"

This one's from a woman-hater
That one is a total bore
Rhetoricals come in later
What if you couldn't take much more?

And just when I think I'm done
Another hundred arrive
If I close my eyes and click on
Auto-reject, honey
I could be home by five

Pitch in an elevator
"Magic orphan twins are heirs to the crown"
Pitch in an elevator
"Then they're whole world is turned upside-down"

Don't use "they're," make it "their," if you want to write
Pretend you care

Pitch in an elevator
"You'll be sorry if you turn me down"

(Guitar solo)

Pitch in an elevator

"The next Dan Brown"

(Guitar solo)

Pitch in an elevator
"I call it baby's first Peyton Place"
Pitch in an elevator
"Like Animal Farm but set in space"

"Gonna be a famous author"
"Gonna be a millionaire"
Hope the lotto makes you an offer
Because I can't help you there

Gotta get your query right
It's a test that you haven't passed
Stop wasting all your time on your log line, honey
Back to writing class!

WAYNE: You can listen to Tom's song he recorded!

GARTH: And Rick Daley's, too! It's excellent!

So maybe, like us, you never learned how to play guitar, and sometimes experience very real sensations of regret and loss for never having fronted a metal band of your own. Maybe you DID front a metal band of your very own as a wee pup, and are now chained to the 9-5, longing for the halcyon days of your youth when anything seemed possible and legions of fans awaited you. Um, that's depressing. ANYWAY. Our point was supposed to be: it's never too late to make your everyday a little more metal!

1. Nothing says "1996 was the last good year" like tying a bandana around your cowboy boot. If you really want to commit to a metal nostalgia, make yourself some of these (ummm, not the Confederate flag ones. But those wolfs are SICK). We are currently working on this project, perhaps we will post a photo if they turn out well. If wearing boots to your work is discouraged, may we suggest moving to New York.

2. Engage in Heavy Metal Visualization Exercises. First: name your metal band (our metal band will be called Shiba Inu, if you were interested). Next, decide which instrument you'll play (always the center of attention? You're a Lead Singer! Like being the behind-the scenes powerhouse? You're a Drummer! Is your favorite thing staying out of the limelight until it's time to step forward and steal the show? You're a Lead Guitarist! Ummmm... like, uh, dancing? You're a Bassist!). Behold! Before you lies the limitless possibility of a rich fantasy life! Where will your band go on tour? What will your songs be about? What countries will love you best? Will you wear totally ludicrous outfits onstage, or stick to all black? Glam metal or thrash? Imagine how pesky customers/bosses/coworkers will grovel when YOU TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!!

3. We have lately been hunting down concert shirts for bands we loved as a young person, which may be a sign we need to either a. grow up or b. take a vacation, but anyway, it's kind of fun. Added bonus: if you go running in a Master of Puppets T-shirt, it makes everyone you pass really, really happy. Seriously. DISCLAIMER: There is not a single item of clothing in our wardrobe in which we get sexually harassed more frequently than our Guns 'N Roses shirt (including our collection of skirts so tiny our former roommate once referred to them as "long belts"). Seriously. It is INSANE. Men have followed us down the street shouting ("I'll rock you baby!") pretty much every time we have worn this shirt out in public. Ladies, consider yourselves warned.

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT: So we are right now halfway through The Possessed: Adventures With Russian Books and the People Who Read Them, by Elif Batuman, and it is so far the most awesome book we have read in this entire century. We will tell you more about it when we are done. Anyway, Elif Batuman is reading at McNally Jackson Books on Monday, and if you live in New York YOU NEED TO GO, and you should also bring a diaper, because if she is a tenth as funny in person, you are going to PEE YOUR PANTS. Okay? We'll see you there!

OMG LOOK THERE ARE STILL LIKE TEN HOURS TO ENTER OUR METAL REJECTION CONTEST!!!!!!!!!!! BRING IT!!!!!! YOU ARE AMAZEMENT, AUTHOR-FRIENDS!!!!!!!

Last night we were coming home quite late when we spotted two visibly inebriated gentlemen staggering toward us with their arms around each other, bellowing. As we got closer, we realized they were sharing an iPod, with one ear bud per gentleman, and singing along quite loudly to "Don't Cry." No jokes. It is kind of awesome when one declares Metal Week and the UNIVERSE AGREES.

For today's metal moment we present to you Misstallica, an all-girl Metallica cover band whose members are still in or have recently left high school (they used to be called "Clitallica" but one of their MOMS made them change it HOW GREAT IS THAT). It sounds like a cute gimmick until you go see them and they blow the left hemisphere of your brain out your ear. Being pushed up against the stage by a mass of huge, fist-pumping 45-year-old man-metalheads bellowing in sheer joy at the mindblowing amazement that is Gigi Gleason (pictured) was, like, life-altering. So! What are you waiting for? Hmmm? GO SEE THEM. Or, as one of their internet fans put it, "why would u pay $60 to see metallica for the 90th time wen u can see these chicks for ten and they rule harder."

Our beloved psychic twin/spiritual counselor, Author-friend Chérie l'Ecrivain, expounds on how to end your novel properly. You can see more of Chérie's wisdoms here. Chérie l'Ecrivain is a Real Writer, agented, currently working on her first novel.

[An aside: if our posts are full of typographical errors from this point onward, it's because OUR FACE IS MELTING SO HARD FROM YOUR CONTEST ENTRIES WE CAN'T SEE OUT OUR EYEBALLS. You are AMAZING, Author-friends!!! UH-MAAAAAAAAAY-ZING!!!!!!!!]

Someday Axl Rose is going to die. I’m willing to wager that I find myself mulling over this sad fact more frequently than about 99.9% of the population. Sometimes when I can’t sleep it hits me, and I imagine myself many years in the future, watching the evening news after dinner with my Eventual Life Partner when Axl’s visage appears in the corner of the screen above the anchor’s talking head. Shortly after Axl’s demise is announced, my Imaginary Children flock around the sofa and tug frantically on their father’s sleeves while demanding to know, “Why is Mommy crying? Did she know that man?” After I’ve collected myself and one of my offspring has fetched me two fingers of Jameson, I explain that no, Mommy didn’t know that man, but she followed his music, his career, and his ridiculous, inimitable, singular life story, and it was a story I was devastated to see finally come to a close.

The reason is simple: Axl Rose is like a book I never want to finish. I am not a delusional fan, I do not think that Axl and I are destined to be friends, but I have watched his story unfold with particular fascination, first during my adolescence and now throughout my entire (ostensibly) adult life. I understand that he has been the subject of a great deal of ridicule since he had the audacity to outlive the typical rock star expiration date of 27 years old, get cornrows, and spend a decade holed up in his Malibu mansion, obsessively recording and rerecording every track on “Chinese Democracy” fourteen or fifteen thousand times, but I have remained captivated, if by nothing else than by the sheer outlandishness of this narrative. He never had the kind of bonafide drug or alcohol problem that plagues nearly every successful rock musician eventually, and therefore can probably count on having a normal life expectancy, which not only fills me with unimaginable delight but also makes me wonder how the hell this man is going to come up with a comparable third act, and, yes, a satisfying denouement. If his life were a novel, what ending could possibly do it justice?

There is a great deal of discussion about how to open your novel, how to write the first five pages so that you hook an agent/editor/reader, but there’s always a lot less chatter about how to write an ending. Writing the end is, in many ways, infinitely more difficult. If you have done your job as a writer, and breathed sufficient life into your characters so that your readers now consider your imaginary friends to be their imaginary friends as well, then a) HUZZAH YOU ARE A CHAMPION and b) how do you wrap up their story in a way that is gratifying and conclusive but also true to the idea that your characters are somehow real entities who will continue to live their little lives after your reader has closed your book with a pleased sigh, turn off their bedside lamp and gone to sleep? How do you leave your readers with that wistful feeling of wanting more, yet still knowing that the story ended right where it should? Imagine you were trying to write the novel of Axl's life. If you could even wrap your mind around where to BEGIN his story--when he's thrown out of his house at sixteen? when he meets Izzy Stradlin in driver's ed? when he moves to Los Angeles?--how could you possible find a good place to stop? Sure, maybe things gets less exciting after the band disintegrates in the mid-nineties, but would you really want to end your novel before you get to the part where the man responsible for the most face-melting album of the 80s makes an exclusive deal with Best Buy for the retail rights to his new record?

When people invest in fictional characters, eventual closure is one of the returns they will demand on that investment. (This is why the series finale of “Six Feet Under” is the most pants-shittingly awesome episode of television, ever, and the last ten minutes of “The Sopranos” is essentially believed to be an act of aggression against decent American people.) [Also why the final episode of "Battlestar Galactica" makes us FUCKING HOMICIDAL. --ed.] Since most fictional narratives can’t follow every important character to their eventual demise, the rest of us are stuck trying to find a sincere way to bid them farewell. Like pornography, we know a good ending when we see one but are hard-pressed to identity its components; we recognize that plaintive lump in our throats when an utterly delicious book comes to its conclusion, and we turn the last page hoping for more but find only the acknowledgements. If I had to find a common thread among my favorite endings, it would be those that have followed their characters to the completion of whatever story that novel set out to tell, without overreaching by trying to freeze the cast in that moment forever. The last line of Weetzie Bat, Francesca Lia Block’s slinkster-cool YA masterpiece, sums it up nicely: “I don’t know about happily ever after... but I know about happily, Weetzie thought.” As for Axl, I will continue to follow his story in real time, occasionally going back to revisit some of the juiciest bits, checking my Google alerts for news of him, my bottle of Jameson always at the ready.