Comments on The Rejectionist: The Story of a Fierce Bad Agent

Oh Rejectionist - I've just found you and I lo...

2010-03-02T21:28:21.905-05:00

Oh Rejectionist - I've just found you and I love you! This was by far one of the funniest blog posts I've read in a while! I feel your pain. Working in the same office as someone like that is a real pain.

I look forward to reading more of your blog!

1. Get him a subscription to the most appalling/de...

2010-02-02T18:37:52.051-05:00

1. Get him a subscription to the most appalling/depraved publication you can bear to give money to.

2. Address it to his next-door neighbor.

If I could post anonymously, I would say to write ...

2010-02-02T18:23:21.198-05:00

If I could post anonymously, I would say to write a killer query for a book he'd just die to represent but then of course when you handed it to him, he'd never be able to contact the author. ;)

Eating your snacks is UNFORGIVABLE. I hope someone...

2010-02-02T14:00:48.460-05:00

Eating your snacks is UNFORGIVABLE. I hope someone eats C v P someday, which would teach him a lesson or two, wouldn't it!

Thermocline: I live to educate. If you are truly i...

2010-02-02T12:09:35.118-05:00

Thermocline: I live to educate. If you are truly inspired and providing your own piss, consume large quantities of asparagus about 8 hours prior to filling the ice tray. Be creative! Have fun!

Revenge should always carry a measure of instruction as well as an artistic flair.

I'll bet old C v. P only works three or fours ...

2010-02-02T11:31:07.163-05:00

I'll bet old C v. P only works three or fours days a week, and takes plenty of long vacations, too...lol

Hopefully one fine spring day, C v. P will realize...

2010-02-02T11:17:26.227-05:00

Hopefully one fine spring day, C v. P will realize in a flash of St. Paul on the road to Damascus revelation that his jackass karma is the reason why all of his Starbucks taste faintly of pee/windex, his office and Poopmobile smell nasty, and he keeps getting weird 3AM calls from hermaphrodites who "saw his ad on craigslist".

Lucy Woodhull, does that lovely Annoy-a-tro...

2010-02-02T10:43:27.895-05:00

Lucy Woodhull, does that lovely Annoy-a-tron device come with a "Senior Buzz" setting that only people older than me can hear? I'm in the middle of a grudge match with my upstairs neighbor, who is well over twice my age. Please let me know!

Le R., did you also read that "Alphabet of Breakups" book with the shrimp-in-the-curtain-rods revenge story? Loved it. If you're going for the car, you have to get into the blower unit somehow, so that he gets shrimp stench whenever he runs the heat or air.

P.S. I'm a lawyer. Three of my bosses never understood why all my copy and print jobs got top priority in the mail room, and why the clerks and secretaries were actually helpful to me. Gee, maybe it's because I'm NOT AN ASSHOLE and in fact TREAT THESE EMPLOYEES LIKE PEOPLE. Just sayin'.

How have I gone all these years and not heard abou...

2010-02-02T09:18:29.106-05:00

How have I gone all these years and not heard about the fabulous ice cubes of piss on the carpet trick? Clearly, I have not lived enough.

Oh my goodness, Cretinous van Poopypants is the mo...

2010-02-02T09:10:31.274-05:00

Oh my goodness, Cretinous van Poopypants is the most awesome name ever! It needs to be put in the dictionary as the title of every office jerkbutt.

You do realize that you are going to be walking down the busy streets of NYC some day and happen to hear some stranger use this name to describe his/her boss. It's like Seinfeld when everyone started eating candy bars with a knife and fork!

After you put the shrimp in his hubcaps, you could...

2010-02-02T07:00:11.149-05:00

After you put the shrimp in his hubcaps, you could let the air out of ALL of his tires.

Peanut butter worked for me. She complained every...

2010-02-02T03:06:34.845-05:00

Peanut butter worked for me. She complained every time I ate a Reece's cup. A quick swab of peanut butter under her chair one time...
She also lined her meds across her desk and would tweeze long hairs from her chin during working hours.

Ack! Working with C von P's is a pain! The sad...

2010-02-02T01:22:52.808-05:00

Ack! Working with C von P's is a pain! The sad part is they're all over the world. It's like an epidemic!

http://aclairedawn.blogspot.com

The shrimp trick works great taped behind a desk d...

2010-02-02T01:09:46.328-05:00

The shrimp trick works great taped behind a desk drawer or inside a small radio. Start with a fresh shrimp so the ripening is gradual. When you see him in his office, alone, frantically (but trying to be nonchalant) opening and closing drawers, file cabinets, act like nothing is wrong. If he lowers himself to ask someone if they smell anything, deny, deny, deny. One victim I knew had the maintenance people cutting holes in his office wall to find the source. Mwahahahaha.

Love the post!

Oh I used to work with a guy like this. He was pa...

2010-02-02T00:26:42.176-05:00

Oh I used to work with a guy like this. He was particularly vile to his own assistants. When one wore a yellow outfit, he asked her if she was trying to look like a urine-colored buttercup or something. That was her first day. She left at lunchtime and never came back.

Thank heaven my company has always had a sort of No A$$hole Rule, and he was fired as soon as the Powers That Be put together what was going on.

The interesting thing was that very few people at our company need assistants, and this guy really wasn't one of them. He really was just a sadist who liked having a doormat to stomp on.

Jesus H, Author-friends, you people are DIABOLICAL...

2010-02-01T23:44:01.505-05:00

Jesus H, Author-friends, you people are DIABOLICAL.

Dear Michael, your points are duly noted. Please keep in mind when the end times come we are in much better shape and will eat you first. Hee hee.

SHRIMPS in the HUBCAP!!!!!!

That is insane. What an ass. You're a dear to ...

2010-02-01T22:35:24.254-05:00

That is insane. What an ass. You're a dear to tip that delivery person.

This person obviously demands sabotage.

2010-02-01T20:16:15.600-05:00

This person obviously demands sabotage.

I think this one is scary, too. I keep thinking, ...

2010-02-01T19:10:21.528-05:00

I think this one is scary, too. I keep thinking, "Man, I hope I'm not submitting to that guy!"

My dear Le R., Clearly, as you are a relative newc...

2010-02-01T19:05:47.391-05:00

My dear Le R.,
Clearly, as you are a relative newcomer to the office, you are not aware of my rules of engagement. I will take a moment here to enlighten you:
1. Carefully labeling your snacks with your name in black sharpie has been deemed not sufficient to prove ownership. Therefore, I quite justifiably consume them, when I consider them worthy of consumption.
2. "Winston" proved to be a rather flighty sort, did he not?
3. When the day comes that I notice you, I hereby pledge to raise my eyebrows slightly when passing your desk.
4. It certainly goes without saying that I make more money than you. Heavens.
5. Your childish fantasies are duly noted.

Until such time that I become aware of your existence, I remain your superior,

Cretinous van Poopypants

Hah! I had an internship with CvP's micromana...

2010-02-01T18:39:00.388-05:00

Hah! I had an internship with CvP's micromanaging sister. I should've run for it the first day when she watched me collect the trash from the whole office and then sweetly told me I was doing it wrong.

I agree with putting a beloved object in his/her c...

2010-02-01T18:15:50.778-05:00

I agree with putting a beloved object in his/her chair instead of tacks :). Maybe a snowglobe?

Eating the assistants' snacks and non-tipping to boot?? Unacceptable!

Look on the bright side: An Office Nemesis provide...

2010-02-01T18:06:42.116-05:00

Look on the bright side: An Office Nemesis provides relief from the tedium of reading queries from nutters.

Another lovely revenge: http://www.thinkgeek.com/...

2010-02-01T17:15:13.714-05:00

Another lovely revenge: http://www.thinkgeek.com/gadgets/electronic/b278/

Le R, I, too, am an invisible assistant. One da...

2010-02-01T17:13:01.661-05:00

Le R, I, too, am an invisible assistant.

One day Important Execusmith* was walking his/her children around the office, introducing them to all the people therein. Well, almost all. You guessed it, they were intro'd to the three people ahead of me, walked past me, and introduced to the next three people. The children looked behind at me, as if to say, "But wait, parent Execusmith, that was a person back there!"

They didn't realize that I'm not a person. I'm an assistant.

*Totally their his/her name. So there.