Some Things To Do Instead of Working On Your Book: A Helpful Task List

1. Develop sudden, inexplicable, unprecedented, and debilitating obsession with what is possibly the most terrible show ever committed to television, a show that is SO BAD I am not even going to TELL YOU WHAT IT IS out of SHEER MORTIFICATION; let us just say it is what might happen if a very stoned and wildly racist five-year-old Republican with no understanding of fact-checking or narrative causality watched a few too many episodes of The X-Files and was subsequently given a scriptwriting job at Fox; this obsession will soon consume your life, to the extent that while you are composing Dramatic Monologues or Moving Scenes of Exposition you will not be able to stop thinking "Have I done enough work to warrant another episode of [REDACTED] why yes surely I have thank you Netflix"

2. Decide it is time to go on a juice fast, yes definitely, you will get SO MUCH WORK done on a juice fast, but WHICH juice fast, haste thee to the internet, it is certainly not a good idea to go on a juice fast without EXTENSIVE RESEARCH, oh look here is an entire website devoted to funny videos of kittens

3. Funny videos of kittens are definitely the opiate of the masses but oh man did you see the one where the lion tries to eat that lady's baby and also the one where the tiny kitten gets tiny hiccups, that is very important and will doubtless shortly become a pillar of the kitten-video canon, there are also a lot of videos of various sorts of puppy going up/down stairs if that is your thing, it isn't my thing but it's best to watch a lot of them to be sure

4. Oh! Girl, you have never read Dodie Bellamy? REMEDY THAT AT ONCE HOW CAN YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF A WRITER IF YOU HAVEN'T READ DODIE BELLAMY BETTER CLOSE THAT WORD DOC AND READ SOME DODIE BELLAMY STAT

5. What would be most refreshing at this time is a particular sort of beer that is only available at the bodega a mile away from your house, oh well

6. OMG WHAT IF YOU MADE YOUR OWN FUNNY CAT VIDEO THIS IS THE BEST IDEA YOU HAVE EVER HAD

7. Provoke cat in effort to incite Antics

8. Cat proves unreceptive

9. Shit your house is dirty, go clean it

10. Also how can you live with your closet in that state of disorder

11. Also you have a lot of friends you haven't kept in good touch with, you had better call them

12. Do you need a new website? Probably

13. Put off juice fast in favor of elaborate four-course meal, you will need to go to the store, too bad the only suitable grocery store is the hippie co-op which is a mile away also, alas

14. It is already two and you have got nothing done, clearly today is a wash, might as well return to television as it is better to work on days you already started working. Like tomorrow.