We Do Not Mean to Bore You But These Sorts of Scenes Keep Happening in Our Life

SCENE: A VERY CROWDED BAR. REJECTIONIST is with A DEAR FRIEND, celebrating her return to New York. A DEAR FRIEND has brought along another person, previously unknown to the Rejectionist. A DEAR FRIEND heads for the restroom, leaving REJECTIONIST alone with NEW FRIEND.

NEW FRIEND: (Shouting over crowd) So! What do you do?

REJECTIONIST: (Awkwardly) Well, uh, I do this freelance editing sort of thing, and then I sort of write things, like also freelance, like sort of, uh, for money, sort of. And I, uhhhhmmmmmm, wroteabook.

LADY TO THE LEFT OF REJECTIONIST: (Takes photo of self with iphone)

NEW FRIEND: (Shouting) You write books?

REJECTIONIST: Well, sort of. Yes. Yes? I write books? Yes? I wrote a book. I wrote a book! Yes! a book! I am a writer! A WRITER!

NEW FRIEND: Is your book published?

LADY TO THE RIGHT OF REJECTIONIST: ...and whatever, if he wants to see other people that is totally his business, and it's not about me, and I am fine with it, I am totally fine with it...

REJECTIONIST: Ummmmmm, not quite yet. I AM STILL A WRITER HOWEVER, I AM A REAL WRITER, A WRITER, I AM IN FACT A WRITER (REJECTIONIST's head detaches from her shoulders and spins around several times in a frantic manner before returning to its prior position)

NEW FRIEND: Have you read that book Twilight?


LADY TO THE RIGHT OF REJECTIONIST: ....because I have a real job, and I'm in shape, and I'm not twenty-two, and I don't care if he's looking for some girl who's not going to ask anything from him, that's just up to him, if he can't handle challenge or someone who is self-actualized...

NEW FRIEND: Because it seems like that is where the money is, if you write books, I mean. Have you thought about writing a vampire book?

MAN TO THE LEFT OF REJECTIONIST: (Takes photo of self with iphone, shows to LADY TO THE LEFT OF REJECTIONIST)

LADY TO THE LEFT OF REJECTIONIST: (Takes another photo of self with iphone, shows to MAN TO THE LEFT OF REJECTIONIST)

REJECTIONIST: I hear this a lot, yes, this vampire book idea.

NEW FRIEND: So your book is about vampires?

REJECTIONIST: Not exactly, no.

OTHER LADY TO THE RIGHT OF REJECTIONIST: ...there was no way I could have known he was on heroin, you know, I thought he was having a heart attack or something. I gave him CPR and he recovered. I had no idea he was going to keep partying, he was fine when I left him, how was I supposed to know he was going to die...

NEW FRIEND: Why do so many people want to buy vampire books, anyway?

REJECTIONIST: I don't know?

NEW FRIEND: I didn't even know there were that many teenagers.

REJECTIONIST: I think adults buy them too.

LADY TO THE RIGHT OF REJECTIONIST: ...do you think they were doing heroin together before he dumped me? That would be so weird if he did heroin with Josh and then Josh died and you were there and it was kind of your fault, that is just really weird. I bet he met her at that party...

NEW FRIEND: (Taken aback) Adults buy books for kids?

REJECTIONIST: So they tell me.

NEW FRIEND: Wow. Huh. Wow.

LADY TO THE RIGHT OF THE REJECTIONIST: ...I mean, fuck her anyway, you know, I'm not jealous, why the fuck would I be jealous, especially if he is on heroin now...

NEW FRIEND: Can I get you another drink?

REJECTIONIST: That would be fantastic.