We Are Growing Very Weary of This Scene From Our Life

SCENE: A bar. REJECTIONIST and SUPPORT TEAM are enjoying happy hour with A FRIEND and her HANDSOME FRENCH SEA-CAPTAIN BOYFRIEND.

HANDSOME FRENCH SEA-CAPTAIN BOYFRIEND: (Lights Marlboro) ...because if you want to go 'unting, you must have the correct infrastructure? Eet is best to have a friend with a castell, and two 'undred dogs, and twenty 'orses, and you chase aftehhrrr ze beast, and ze beast ees torn to pieces--

FRIEND: (Interrupting rapidly) So! Rejectionist, what have you been up to? How is your book?

REJECTIONIST: (Delivers long boring monologue re: first book, second book, freelance activities, etc.)

FRIEND: You wrote a book! How exciting!

REJECTIONIST: Yes! Very exciting! I wrote a book! Just like a real writer! A writer of real books!

FRIEND: Does it have vampires in it?

HANDSOME FRENCH SEA-CAPTAIN BOYFRIEND: (Lights Marlboro)

REJECTIONIST: NO THERE ARE NOT ANY VAMPIRES MY BOOK IS NOT ABOUT VAMPIRES PLEASE DO NOT TELL ME MY BOOK WOULD MAKE MORE MONEY IF THERE WERE VAMPIRES IN IT I HAVE HEARD THAT FIFTEEN TIMES THIS WEEK ALREADY I AM GOING TO BE AN ACCOUNTANT AN ACCOUNTANT I AM GOING TO BE AN ACCOUNTANT AND NO ONE WILL EVER ASK ME ABOUT VAMPIRES AGAIN (Begins to weep)

SUPPORT TEAM: (Interrupting rapidly) So! Do you have Twilight in France?

HANDSOME FRENCH SEA-CAPTAIN BOYFRIEND: (Lights Marlboro) Yes, we have zees film, but eet is for teenagehhhhrrrrs, no?

FRIEND: There are books, too. But here adults and teenagers like them.

HANDSOME FRENCH SEA-CAPTAIN BOYFRIEND: (Lights Marlboro) Of course in Amehhhrrrrrica adults behave zees way, but we don't do such a thing in Fhhhrrrahnce.

REJECTIONIST: (Sobs, downs beer)

SUPPORT TEAM: Have you seen the movie?

HANDOME FRENCH SEA-CAPTAIN BOYFRIEND: (Lights Marlboro) Pfffffttttt! (Makes disgusted French noise, purses lips in a French manner)

FRIEND: I've heard they aren't very good.

HANDSOME FRENCH SEA-CAPTAIN BOYFRIEND: (Lights Marlboro) I don't like zees vampire. 'E is like Justin Biebehhhhrrrr, only a leetle oldehhhhhrrrrr, no?

SUPPORT TEAM: How old is Justin Bieber?

HANDSOME FRENCH SEA-CAPTAIN BOYFRIEND: (Lights Marlboro) 'E is twelve?

REJECTIONIST: (Sniffling) I think he's like twenty-five?

FRIEND: No, he's definitely fifteen.

SUPPORT TEAM: Thirty? (Looks up age of Justin Bieber on iPhone) Oh, seventeen.

REJECTIONIST: Vampires... vampires... (REJECTIONIST begins to sob again. SUPPORT TEAM makes soothing noises and gently pets the REJECTIONIST's back in a loving manner. HANDSOME FRENCH SEA-CAPTAIN BOYFRIEND lights a Marlboro. Another round is served.)