Hi guys! Well, um, wow! This is really exciting! My first blog post! So, uh, my name is Val, and I'm the Rejectionist's new intern! It's my dream to someday work in publishing! So when the Rejectionist said she was looking for someone to make her coffee and go buy cat food for Lola Pants, I said, "Wow, here's my real chance, you know, to break into the industry!" I mean, I said that to myself, not to her! She's a little weird, you know, but she's pretty cool! I mean, don't tell her I said that, about her being weird or anything. But anyway, I thought it would look really good on my résumé, you know, to have this internship, because I'm working for someone who's, you know, "hip" and "edgy," so maybe I could end up with a job at Vice magazine or something! Or you know, a place that publishes books. Like a publisher. But the Rejectionist said I would probably have to intern there too! And I was like, "Dude, that's kind of weird, they can afford to give Sarah Palin like seven million dollars for a book she didn't even write, but they couldn't afford to pay me even a substandard salary?" and she was like "Well, tiger, how else would they know you cared about books, if you weren't willing to work full-time for free?" And you know, when you think about it, that totally makes sense!
So anyway, the Rejectionist said I could tell you guys sometimes about my job as her intern, and then I could put "blog posts for the Rejectionist" on my résumé too, which is totally valid writing experience! I mean, it's not paid or anything. But she said if she sells her book she'll buy me a metrocard. So far my job has been pretty chill! She took me to crash an art opening. All the free cheese was gone but I totally saw Thurston Moore and Kim Gordon! That was way cool. And the other day she sent me out to get her lunch and then forgot to give me any money, and then she said, "Well, I guess I'll pay you back later, how awkward, I don't have any cash. I mean like at all. Can I borrow twenty bucks?" So I'm waiting for that. She even let me answer one of her emails! It was to this guy who wanted her to buy Viagra. She said, "Yeah, tell that guy, I've changed my mind. I DO want an enormous penis after all!"* And she told me if I sent it from my email it would help me build contacts. So far I'm not sure how that stuff will fit on my résumé but she said a good hustler always finds a way to fit things on their résumé. I wish I knew what that meant! Well, I'll let you guys know when anything exciting happens! Until then!
p.s. It's totally Star Wars Day! Like, that's a real thing! SO COOL. Happy Star Wars Day, you guys!
* This joke stolen from M. R.