TODAY, AS YOU MAY REMEMBER, but probably do not, is INTERNATIONAL RAISTLIN MAJERE DAY, a VERY IMPORTANT AND DELIGHTFUL HOLIDAY. International Raistlin Majere Day is even more significant than the Rejectionist's birthday! Such import! We shall be celebrating International Raistlin Majere Day by loafing about in our pajamas and opening up a fresh bottle of Maker's in a couple of hours, could you pass the chips please, AH THE FREELANCE LIFE. Other possible International Raistlin Majere Day activities:
1. Set off some firecrackers next to the water cooler. When your coworkers ask you what you are doing, explain it is a new spell and look very hostile.
2. Laugh softly and menacingly throughout your performance review. When your supervisor brings up your problem with authority, whisper, “Bow only in reverence, never in subservience.”
3. Bring a staff on the subway. When people refuse to move toward the middle of the car as you try to get on, poke them and make a hissing noise.
4. When your friend who always calls you to complain about his love life phones up in the middle of your lunch break, say “Weep as I wept once, long, long ago. Then you will realize, as I did, that it does no good. No one hears you, sobbing in the night alone,” and hang up on him.
5. Raistlin would harsh on the GOP so hard right now! Raistlin was an elitist and an asshole, but he never took from people who had less than him! Raistlin totally wants us to have healthcare! Raistlin thinks drilling in the Gulf is fucked! Raistlin is coming for those motherfuckers WITH A FIREBALL! If Raistlin can snag the spellbook of Fistandantilus from the dragon Khisanth in the middle of her Xak Tsaroth lair, he sure as fuck can take YOU, Boehner!
6. Gold eyeshadow would be a very appropriate accessory today, and we would certainly recommend a red cloak. (Or a black one, should you wish to evoke later Raistlin. You could change from red to black at some point in the afternoon, for greatest verisimilitude.)
7. Oh, and remember, Raistlin would totally eat the last cookie, so you should, too.
HAPPY INTERNATIONAL RAISTLIN MAJERE DAY, AUTHOR-FRIENDS!!!!!