With apologies to Bookavore. "Immature artists imitate. Mature artists steal."--L. Trilling

Male blogger comes to startling realization female writers are often treated differently by reviewers, "cultural authorities," posts about it: one drink

"Strong women lead to effeminate men": one drink

"YA oppresses boys": two drinks plus cackle of rads

"Publishing is dominated by women": one drink

"Publishing is dominated by female editors who will not purchase memoirs written by pro wrestlers, which every man longs to read": one drink

"What will men read": one drink

"Jonathan Franzen": two drinks

"Jonathan Franzen" in conjunction with "Lorin Stein": three drinks

Blogger simultaneously argues that boys don't read because women don't write the right books for them and that boys don't read because they get beaten up for reading: one drink

Blogger argues that women are responsible for boys being beaten up for reading: two drinks

Blogger makes sweeping generalizations about reading habits of roughly 50% of population based solely on anecdotal evidence: seventeen a million drinks

Contains reference to "pink sparkles": six drinks

"Men ________": start making eyes at bartender

"Women _________": ask nicely for the whole bottle

"Women don't know what men want": three drinks plus eightball

"Women have so pussified vampires that they no longer bear any resemblance to fearsome blood sucking ghouls": purchase shotgun, set up still