The vampire was looking at us. The vampire continued to sparkle. "Funny you should bring up publishing," said the vampire. "You know, I'm working on a memoir. I've had a very interesting life. It's not all high school, for vampires. I don't know where you people get these ideas. I've never been to high school in my life. I'm not fond of teenagers. Not even to eat. You know, vampires are very sensitive persons. I much prefer to lay about quietly listening to Disintegration on repeat--"
I broke in. "I love that album! That's my favorite album!"
The vampire was not pleased at being interrupted. The vampire shot me a peevish glance. "--listening to Disintegration ," it continued, "and collecting crushed-velvet leggings--"
I couldn't help myself. "But I have so many pairs of crushed-velvet leggings! We have an awful lot in common!" The vampire was sparkling more aggressively now. The vampire rolled its eyes and sighed huffily. "I'm not fond of teenagers or other kinds of people either," it said, looking at me. "I don't like people. But I have a very nice memoir, it's all written out, and I think it has a lot of potential for a broader market."
"Broader than what?" "Steve" said.
The vampire coughed. "Well, I've self-published my memoir," it said. It scuffed the floor with the toe of its boot. "I didn't properly research the market," it admitted sadly. "But it's doing very well in the Amazon Break-Through Novel contest."
Maybe we were a little drunk by then. I know it was hard keeping things in focus. The light was draining out of the room, going back through the window where it had come from. Yet nobody made a move to get up from the table to turn on the overhead light.
“Listen,” Cretinous said
Cretinous went on. “Let’s finish this fucking bourbon. There’s about enough left here for one shooter drink all around. Then let’s go eat. Let’s go to the new place The Library. What do you say? I don’t know, this vampire is really tiring me out. I don't much like this vampire. Jesus, but I feel depressed all of a sudden.”
"I think this project has real potential," Winston said. "I think it would be a mistake not to move forward with a project like this."
"Steve" cleared his throat. "I'm just not sure why you didn't look into other options," he said to the vampire. "You've really limited yourself with this whole self-publishing thing."
"I know," the vampire said. "
But I have a very compelling story. I have a real story to tell. It's not every day you read a memoir by a vampire."
"There's that whole Anne Rice series," I pointed out. I was trying to be helpful. The vampire didn't seem to appreciate my advice.
"Is Anne Rice a vampire?" said the vampire. "That's fiction," said the vampire. "This is fact. This is better than some lady going to Bali and eating a lot of sandwiches."
"I think she ate spaghetti," said Winston.
"They don't have spaghetti in Bali," said Cretinous. "Jesus, you're an idiot."
“I could eat something myself,” the vampire said. “ I don’t think I’ve ever been so hungry in my life. Is there something to nibble on
I just realized I’m hungry. What is there to snack on?”
“I’ll put out some cheese and crackers,” Winston said
, but he just sat there. ¶ But Winston just sat there. He did not get up to get anything.
Cretinous turned his glass over. He spilled it out on the table.
“Bourbon’s gone,” Cretinous said.
"Steve" said, “Now what?”