Agents: Also Human
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Last week we received this missive from Author-friend Sanjay Marwaha, which we present to you without comment.
Dearest RJ !!!
One of the strangest things in my not-so-long life happened to me today.
As you know, I have been polluting the mailwaves (be they electronic or snail) with query letters for some weeks now. I have an expected mix of rejections and interest, requests for anything from pages, to chapters, to a full m/s. I keep my head up and my loins girded !!!
Today - I received a letter from an agent that defied description - although I will do my best...
It was a fairly large and heavy envelope.
I tugged and ripped and finally had the darn thing open. Tipping out the contents on my dining table, it took me some time to figure out what I was looking at.
The envelope was filled with numerous queries and partial submissions and a note which read, "Hey Dan (name changed), put these with the others."
Well, needless to say, my name is not Dan and by a happy coincidence, I don't have the others!!!
My ever-more-intelligent friend surmised that this was intended as some internal post at an agent's office and was mistakenly sent to me. I have a happy picture of Dan, sitting at his desk, pulling open an envelope and being told that his submission is 'not right for my agency at this time and I wish you all luck in your search for representation'...
Thought you might get a kick out of this!
Sanjay
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I once got two rejection letters, for a single work, from a single publisher, about a month apart. The second letter basically said: For some reason (left unsaid) we were compelled to read your work a second time and...it's still a no. Happy writing!
*giggle* I'm not sure why they didn't let the first rejection stand, but there you go; the wacky world of publishing.
Okay...can I please sign my query letters "I keep my head up and my loins girded" instead of "warm regards" or "I look forward to hearing from you soon"...?
Because that is screaming awesome.
@Kimberly: I should think that any mention of loins would be tres appropriate in a query letter.
@Sanjay: Did you let the agency know? Did you read the partials and offer your opinions? Are you changing your name to "Dan"? We must know!
Authors: If we didn't laugh we'd cry.
My dear Sanjay, you are indeed awesome. Love the attitude. :)
That...was awesome!
That sounds like something I would do! (mail the wrong thing by accident.)
Thanks for sharing the wealth on this one :)
I wouldn't get excited until they started mailing me checks.
Hello all...
Thanks for your kind comments...
My continued education in the world of publishing does seem to be a happy mixture of sunny hilltops and muddy valleys.
A little bit more in the story.
I did (bit guilty about this) read some of the queries. This is an liberating and enlivening experience - especially as the queries were probably ones for rejection.
As a (dare I be so modest) fairly good writer, it really did me a world of good to see some of the horrid, mush-filled and (and yes - vampire hugging) yawm inspiring work that is out there...
I highly recommend it.
I didn´t offer my critique but I did send everything back. This was all done on the same day I wrote to RJ - so no response yet.
I did call the agency and explain what happened. I told them I would be sending it all back. This is some of the phone conversation...
Sanj - So, that's the story. Should I just send it back then?
Agen - Mmm?
Sanj - The envelope! Should I send it back?
Agen - Mmm. Yeah.
Sanj - And?
Agen - And what?
Sanj - (sigh) I'm trying to be funny but a bit of gratitude would be nice.
Agen - Oh sure. Thanks.
A little later in the conversation, it became clear that she was eating her lunch while talking to me - it sounded like something moist like soup-noodles!
I did, however, find out that my query was...
WAIT FOR IT
...rejected!
Yes Kimberly - my loins are still girded!!!
Thanks again.
S
OMG - I just laughed so hard my sides hurt. Thank you.
It sounds like you got the best story out of the whole package. Thanks for sharing it.
OMG, this made me laugh out loud!
Both your humor and your fabulous attitude make me smile, Sanj. Good luck in your journey!
Tawna
I would have suggested that you hold the queries hostage until they accepted yours, but this agency sounds incompetent.
That is the funniest thing EVER. You should write comments on them before sending them back... no one else will give them some good cc :)
Not comprehending the whole mess, I'd simply have taken it as a yes.
Fantastique!!!
I used to correct Spanish exam papers on a regional level. And all the teachers would be sitting around in a room and when we found a gem, we'd call everyone's attention,
"Hey guys listen to this one..."
I just picture agents, editors, publishers, doing this with my query...
But at least they won't be sending it off to random authors... I hope.
I once received a rejection letter, along with a check for $25,000 from a publisher to one of this agent's clients. I called and spoke to an intern who sounded completely uninterested. Everyone makes mistakes, but what freaked me about this check was the date - over 6 months earler. So it'd been sitting on this agent's desk for 6 months, undeposited, and one would assume, the money not sent to the client. This was a well respected, 'big-name' agency. I expected astonishment, or, at the very least, a wee bit of concern. Nada. Not even a thank-you for the call or offering to mail it back. Classy, yeah?
What writer doesn't miss a spare $25K? I could hazard a guess or two but I won't.
Well, it's long overdue, but Stephanie F., on behalf of those of us who still value moral non-turpitude, I will tell you this: "Thank you for doing the right thing."
All agents are human, but some are more human than others.
*All agents are human, but some are more human than others.*
Word. I really wrestled with whether I should contact the author. In the end, I mailed back the check and blew the whole thing off. Should note: This was about 6 years ago, long before equeries were the norm, rather than the exception. Lots more room for fubars with snail mail, right? But honestly, it wasn't that I received this money that wasn't mine - it was the total lack of concern, and the 6 months lag time.
When I did finally connect with an agent, I asked if she cashed publisher checks right away - she said, that's an odd question. Why wouldn't I?
Why, indeed.
I'm not sure what I like more -- reading the original story, or all the other little stories that resulted from the original in these comments. In any case I had fun.
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