We Learn Lessons So You Don't Have To
Thursday, January 21, 2010
So! If you're at a Super-Fancy High Fullutent Literary Event with other industry professionals? And you feel an overwhelming compulsion to talk mad shit about a Really Prestigious MFA Program? And how all the submissions you receive from people who are current students in said Program are so astoundingly abysmal you don't understand how their authors even got into any MFA Program, let alone The Second Most Prestigious Program In the United States? Just make sure the unannounced special secret guest reader who is on the faculty of the MFA program you are talking mad shit about isn't sitting next to you. That's all.
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Oh, oh, oh. That hollow feeling in your stomach, rapidly beating heart and cold sweat will eventually go away and you'll be able to look back on this and laugh one day (hopefully!).
"Whatevs it's not like we were wrong."
Precisely. Who cares about professionalism? Not US (obvs). ;)
But I bet you had a prettier skull face.
So...
1. Iowa Writers Workshop
2. ?
Come on, you know you want to tell us...
I work for a corporation. We recently had a "strategy session" complete with cutesy cartoon graphic that, somehow, was supposed to represent our goals and motivate us. I was quite vocal in my comedic interpretation of the visual, textual and verbal elements of this presentation, although not critical (I have SOME sense). There was laughter.
After the session, I found out that the man beside me with the compulsive Blackberry fetish was the director of our division, and beside him was the local vice-president.
I believe I may have made a Career Limiting Move. However, I work in telecom, which can be considered a Career Limiting Move all by itself.
So... yeah. Good thing I was wearing clean socks, because I had my foot so far in my mouth I could taste knee and was in danger of developing Athlete's Esophagus.
One one hand, ouch!
On the other, if their program is not producing good graduates, then maybe this is the only way such guest speaker could have found out. Think about it. Sometimes faculty is so involved in what goes on within the walls of the school that they do not take much time to see what the temperature is outside.
And it's not like this person has any control over your job, right? Your job is the ultimate test where everything said MFA students should put their best foot forward. In a way, you have the power to give them the F they should have gotten at school and didn't. I wouldn't feel too bad about it.
But then again, what do I know anyway.
Bwahahahah! That is totally classic- in The Hangover sense of the word. :)
I agree... I totally want to know what program? Iowa? Columbia? Though I agree with Nuriw- profs totally have to power to fail kids, and colleges don't have to accept them, but if they don't accept them, there's no money. It's quite the connundrum.
Classic. Institutions need to hear more critique of their grads anyway. As long as it's constructive it's fair game.
@Ink: Columbia, if I had to wager a guess. Which would make sense since it's in New York.
And unless Le R is trying to gain entry to said program, it isn't entirely disastrous. Please see Eric's MFA post over at Pimp My Novel for expostulations on the subject.
I'm looking for an MFA. Who's second best? Or better yet, who's number one?
I'm sure this will be a funny story some day. Trust me, as a sufferer of foot-IN-mouth disease, I know.
Rejectionist, I will learn nothing from this. I recently wandered onto an agent's blog and said how stupid I thought one of her favorite movies was. I have no filter.
Linguista, you can find a list of the best MFA programs here. They're grouped into top-10 and top-5 lists without further ranking. Iowa is generally considered to be #1.
Oh, that wonderful shrinking, I'll-be-under-the-table feeling.
But take stock - you'd never of done that on purpose (at least not until the open bar), and you’re probably the only one who hasn’t filled their ears with bullshit in years.
Such candor and clarity are priceless, and the person in question was just lucky to get such a super secret guest presentation on their program.
Welcome to Super-Fancy High Fullutent Literary Event! Try the hors d'œuvres. We're serving Finger Food De Foot with Schadenfreude Starter. Mmmmm!
Aw jeez -- I made a similar comment on a writing forum recently about MFAs in general.
It's not like you were wrong...
Wow. I just hope they were serving alcohol.
The only way to handle that is too get up...leave...come back 10 minutes later and say "Did you meet my twin sister? She can be really bitchy sometimes."
Or just blow it off. They needed to know their program sucked.
in some really weird way this post makes me feel better. its like every time i remember the first query i ever sent out. it still makes me queasy. it's kind of nice to see that The Rejectionist is human too.
we still love you.
and if that special guest reader had any idea he was sitting next to the super-insanely-famous "The Rejectionist", he would've humbled himself long enough to ask for your autograph and your opinion on every other crappy element of his program.
just sayin.
UUUGGGGgggghhhhhh...sinking, shrinking, but unable to disappear.
/Her program.
Also, I just earned my MFA from Numero Dos University, so please consider my 400,000-word novel for publication. It's sort of a hybrid play-novel in thirty-one acts, told in verse and in four languages, with the point of view alternating between disillusioned advertising executive Leopold Stout; his identical twin living in 17th-century China, Dr. Tiresias Stout; their blind maid, Aquaregia; and God. Working knowledge of English, Mandarin, Spanish, and Esperanto required.
Please e-mail me if there are any words you don't understand, as I'm sure there will be. An advance of $500,000+ will be sufficient.
I've gotten in the habit of reading a lot of publishing blogs and websites, but yours is by far the one that makes me laugh the most, which is something we all need to do once in a while.
D'oh!
Poor Le R!
S.
Speaking truth to power, even when you don't mean to. It's innate.
BTW, I love you.
Oh, and I believe the expression is "High Falluntin'"
Best,
S
Haha. Reminds me of a time I whined about some cake being served in my college cafeteria. One of the food service people comes over and says: "How do you like my cake?"
*chokes and spews cake* "What?"
"I made that cake, how do you like it?"
*sneezes cake all over table in desperate fumbleto speak* "Oh, yeah? It's really good. Are those nuts almonds?"
Oh Lawd. You can't make this stuff up.
Spinney,
See joke, here:
http://www.therejectionist.com/2009/12/another-brief-note-on-importance-of.html
Woopsy.
But it's nice to know an MFA isn't everything.
Three observations:
(1) If you were speaking directly to Mr./Ms. "unannounced special secret guest reader who is on the faculty of the MFA program you are talking mad shit about" then he/she just got a free consultation and ought to be grateful.
(2) If Mr./Ms. "unannounced special secret guest reader who is on the faculty of the MFA program you are talking mad shit about" was actually Mr./Ms. "C" in an "A" and "B" conversation, then he/she shouldn't have been eavesdropping like a sneak.
(3) I never knew industry professionals were actually Sith Lords, but I suppose that would explain a lot.
Are you eating out of the carton?
All we care about is s/he didn't shoot the messenger.
I agree with folks above, particularly in re: Sith, but also in that you just gave this person a gift. Unless of course Numero Dos school is not actually trying to produce commercially published graduates. If, say, their only goal is to produce subscribers to the tiny pubs the faculty themselves write for, then... I'll stop now.
Cold medicine. Blame everything on cold medicine. "Id makks my hed aul foggy."
Best link ever. Nicely presented, Le R.
I'm so, so, so very sorry.
Had a similar moment discussing a university one state over from the college I attended. Both are smallish institutions. The other school was mentioned in passing and I said "Oh, yeah. That's a good school. Lots of siblings from my school went there. It was a fallback school for a lot of us."
Turned out it was his alma mater.
Awful moments. Nothing to do but suck it up along with more alcohol.
I hate to admit it, but...
You know how nearly every industry blog has had a, "mean and or difficult people don't get published" post? I kind of am that guy in real life, depending on what phase of my moods I'm in.
Ask Lydia. I've done stuff like this just for a laugh. I've even pulled it off and made everyone else involved laugh. Mostly, I just incite grumpification.
I'm mostly Scottish, and I'm genetically predisposed to looking for people who look like they might think that they're better than me. And therefore go William Wallace on them.
Rejectionist, I love you!
I had a foot-in-mouth moment today too, but it was NOTHING compared to that.
Thanks CKHB!
@Eric, I love your comment. I actually wrote a 5 language poem once! But that was just to say that I could. I don't expect anyone to be able to read it, especially with Japanese being one of the languages. lol.
At least it wasn't a high-falootin' event. Dodged a bullet on that one!
Sith Lords? that explains it! Everyone keeps trying to convince me that agents and publishers are all on the dark side, and I never believed them...
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