Today's Little Rainbow
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Dear sweet baby Jesus, this is AMAZEMENT. Also totally killing it is the demise of the apostrophe in part three.
On an unrelated note, we all saw this yesterday, did we not? All we can say is THANK GOD SOMEONE IS TAKING A STAND AGAINST THIS HORROR. As you know, Author-friends, what's wrong with America today is SMALL CHILDREN USING THE DICTIONARY. WE looked up "fuck" on a WEEKLY BASIS as a small child and LOOK HOW WE TURNED OUT. Hateful and deranged, Author-friends, hateful and deranged. Though it is too late for us, we can only hope that the Rejectionists of the future will be spared the festival of depravity that is our wretched, profligate, ostentatious, slovenly, amoral, lugubrious, indigent, misanthropic, dictionary-induced life. No matter if the entire rest of the world thinks America is a nation of morons! To be great is to be misunderstood! MORALITY WILL PREVAIL!
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You're lucky. I never get invited to festivals of depravity.
I went to a pie-eating contest once, but it just wasn't the same.
I'm completely shocked as to what some people will consider sexually explicit. Parental protectiveness went a *tad* bit too far this time. I mean, I can understand not wanting your elementary age kids to see a visual depiction of oral sex, but being afraid they'll be read the words 'oral stimulation of the genitalia'...I mean, wow. Kids are hearing way worse on daytime TV.
For the first 14 years of my life my mother had very strict rules about what we could watch (nothing above PG she hadn't already seen until we were 13 and after that no R unless she was there with us to fast forward through certain scenes), but she let us read anything we wanted. Why? Because she was just glad WE WERE READING in the first place. These parents ought to just be happy a kid was willing to pick up the dictionary at all!
Who even says "oral sex?"
They just say "oral."
what is happening to the world? i learned about the baby-making process in fourth grade, and that was quite some time ago. kids are growing up even faster now. parents who think they can shelter their children by banning words in a freaking dictionary are the biggest morons ever cooked up in that baby-making process.
people need to grow the hell up and educate their children before someone else does. the dictionary is the least of their worries. wait till someone offers to define the word with an example.
idiots.
IDIOTS.
ughhhhhhhh.
This reminds me of when one school told students to stop reading Toni Morrison's Beloved thirty pages from the end. You know every kid in that class went right to those pages. Just as these kids are going to go straight home and peek in their daddy's dictionary. Which is actually kind of cool.
I still have not gotten over my anger and frustration at being told by my parents to "go look it up in the dictionary" when I asked them how to spell naive. Do you think I looked under N-A? No I did not.
head⋅desk - verb: the only sensible reaction to stupid fuckery. That's right - the dictionary said "fuckery". Suck on that!
Festival of depravity. That is made of awesome, right there.
As for the whole dictionary issue, I think my head just exploded a little bit. We're banning the dictionary over this? Really? REALLY?!
*breathing deeply*
And we wonder why idiocy abounds...
Words verification: putoona. Go look it up. It's as naughty as it sounds! >:)
Um... IS there a way to define oral sex WITHOUT being "sexually graphic"? I think not.
And I agree with the others that commented before me. There are worse places to learn about oral sex than the dictionary, for F's sake. And children, by nature, are curious. Any loving parent realizes this, and does their best to be informative and realistic.
I have a six year old boy, and the kid is already obsessed with boobs (doesn't help that his mother is well-endowed and he thinks it's funny to play her chest like conga drums). His father has already had a few "chats" with him about how, yes, boobs are awesome, but no, they're NOT TOYS. To which I add, "Not yet anyway. There will be an appropriate time and place in the future when you can have fun with them."
Gotta give the kid something to look forward to, right? If you just say "no, no, NO!" all the time, they're going to find a way around it, and then you're both in trouble.
Why can't the dictionary say "ask your parents" for stuff like that? To be accurate, maybe it should read "Ask your parents and that 'know-it-all at recess', put definitions in a bowl, stir 15 minutes - there's the real answer."
You have got to be kidding me. Banning the dictionary? Society has hit another low. Hell, when I went to elementary school it was National Geographic that was the poison of choice, so many topless women. Wait a second. Actually, let's ban education entirely so we never have to have the awkward sex conversation. Problem solved. Kids, see you in the coal mines. ;)
Did no one think of just blacking out the "offensive" entries? Good grief I know when I took French in High School, the teachers blacked out the cuss words with a nice sharpie to keep our conversations clean. The school was absolved of any blame if we picked up naughty language & the parents had no one to blame but themselves. The horror.
Whew! Glad to hear from the expert on this matter. My own scorn repositories simply lack the depth to address this dictionary issue as it demands to be addressed. (I must not have looked up the right words as a child.) Thank you, Rejectionist!
"Oral stimulation of the genitals" sounds like a definition specifically designed to keep curious nine and ten year olds from digging further. How could a definition possibly be less graphic?
CKHB, my parents used to do stuff like that too. So mean! Or worse, my dad would say, "You want to know how to spell it?" And I'd say "Yes!" And he'd say, "I. T." (I'm 30. He still tries to catch me with that one.)
I love it when people use themselves as proof that a misspent youth was all to the good: "...and look how we turned out." It's the perfect justifcation for just about everything, especially pyromania and dirt-bike usage. Rejectionist, are you available for birthday parties?
the festival of depravity that is our wretched, profligate, ostentatious, slovenly, amoral, lugubrious, indigent, misanthropic, dictionary-induced life.
That's it. The fucking Thesaurus has got to go, too.
Ditto on National Geographic. And does anyone besides me remember trolling the Encyclopedia Britannica for pictures of naked statues?
Hey, maybe if we don't tell our kids anything about sex, ever, they will stay virgins until they are married. We can have the birds and the bees talk the night before the wedding. This could work. There's no way they would ever figure it out on their own, right? As long as we get rid of our dictionary, that is.
Love the response, Le R!
I saw this yesterday on Twitter and thought "if any kid has cable and/or friends, I'm sure they ALREADY KNOW." Enough said.
Oh America, where would the rest of the world be without you? Sometimes I think America's just a made-up place that people use to create the 'and finally' sections of the news....on a par with skateboarding squirrels.
With our educational system we need more books banned all the time. Obviously our children are not quite stupid enough to satisfy some people.
God forbid our kids be informed about anything. Then they might turn into adults that could think for themselves and make intelligent decisions. What is the world coming to?
I like how district spokeswoman Betti Cadmus feels, "It's hard to sit and read the dictionary."
No kids, you can't use a dictionary in our school district because it has definitions and it's damn hard to read.
CKHB and Upstairs Girl, Whenever I asked my parents how to spell a word they said, "D-I-C-T-I-O-N-A-R-Y." We'll see what happens when senility sets in. What goes around, comes around.
What I love about us as kids is that we HARDLY find banned books something to stay away from let alone a potential look-up of a dirty word.
Jeez! Kids have it easy these days. In my day we used to have to look up words like "cunnilingus".
Uh huh? So dictionaries are bad! It's so much better that your kid learn it by asking some misinformed classmate. Or will they ban misinformed classmates from school too?
http://aclairedawn.blogspot.com
Come to think of it, "sex" has been in the dictionary forever, and it didn't get banned for that. How is "oral sex" more graphic?
Was it a pop-up dictionary? Because then there may be a problem.
@ Laurel:
I never looked for naked statues. That's kind of creepy. My generation looked through National Geographic for the bra-less, triangle-pancake (think about it) breasted women. Yeah, it was creepy back then, but hey. They were boobs.
@ Lydia:
Which of course brings me to your comment, dear. You should have mentioned there would be a time and place for him to play with someone else's boobs. The way you wrote it made it appear as if he would someday come back to fronting a Reggae band with yours. Someone else's. I vote for Jillian. That girl would give us some gorgeous grandchildren.
But yes, you do have breasts, and yes, they are large and spectacular. True story, Lydia started dating me because I was the first guy that ever mentioned how gorgeous her eyes were. Which shows how dumb men are, because her eyes are GORGEOUS...and her full lips...hips...legs...
Sorry. Our anniversary is coming up, and she's only getting hotter every year.
Carry on.
So, if they're getting rid of their dictionary, maybe they could send it to me. You know, I asked my mom once where babies come from and she said, "Think about it."
So I do.
“Teacher, I can’t find the dictionary. How do you spell imbecile?”
But really, do they think this is a Magic Dictionary? So if the kids never read the words, they’ll be protected from those things?
The truth is, a staggering number of kids in those schools – even those under 10 – have already been shown exactly what those words mean, and in the worst possible way. They’re sitting there, stunned, not knowing what happened or who they can tell, and someone walks in and takes away their dictionary.
What does this tell them? That they’re so bad that even the word of what happened to them must be hidden away? Why not actually help these kids instead of ensuring they’re shamed into silence?
So to those folks in California, I say this: try educating yourselves and see if what you find doesn’t make you choke worse than any word in a dictionary.
Yes it would be a baneful herald of the apocalypse for children to read the dictionary of all things. They are supposed to learn all that stuff from the jr. high locker room and their dads' Playboy mags, right? That's the American way. :P
Oh for all that is good... Of COURSE the dictionary incident occurred mere miles from my hometown. Of course.
You know, I save all these stories for whenever anyone that lives anywhere besides California insists that it's full of nothing but crazy hippies and sexual deviants.
The dictionary is redeemed!
All you need is a permission slip, and all those nefarious words are yours!
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