Stuff We Did This Weekend; Or, Our Life Is Queries
Monday, January 11, 2010
1. Went to see Daybreakers. First 15 minutes: AMAZING. Rest of movie: So dumb we were shouting things at the screen periodically (along with everyone else in the movie theater, so it's not like we were annoying anyone, we promise). During the movie we found ourself thinking, "But this is EXACTLY like when we get an incredible, smart, funny query for something with a genius premise (see a scary, awesome preview for a post-apocalyptic vampires movie) and request the ms with great joy (go see the movie in the theater on opening night because we are so excited) and the first five pages (fifteen minutes) are mindblowing and then suddenly everything goes to shit and we are left wondering if the remainder of the manuscript (movie) is even written (filmed) by the same PERSON, it is so asinine, and we notice more and more plot flaws (plot flaws) and really irredeemable problems (seriously, has Ethan Hawke WASHED HIS HAIR since filming Reality Bites? and also WHY DON'T THE HUMANS JUST GO ON THEIR SUPER PERILOUS MISSIONS DURING THE DAYTIME WHEN THE VAMPIRES ARE ASLEEP? and also DO THEY NOT HAVE BRAS IN 2019? IS A BRA SO HARD TO COME BY IN A WORLD THAT STILL CLEARLY PROVIDES MAKEUP, SHAMPOO, AND LAUNDRY DETERGENT? BECAUSE REALLY WHAT THAT LOOKS LIKE IS A PROLONGED GRATUITOUS BOOB SHOT, GENTLEMEN)" and then we realized we were thinking about query letters while at the movies OMG OUR LIFE IS QUERIES.
2. On the subway home sat across from a young gentleman explaining the plot of his novel-in-progress to his date ("So there's a serial killer, and the cops are chasing him from city to city, and they can't catch him and all the police in all the major US cities are banding together to catch this guy and then the twist is that the SERIAL KILLER IS A LION THAT ESCAPED FROM THE ZOO") and then we realized that we were, like, being queried on the subway, basically, and OMG OUR LIFE IS QUERIES.
3. Went running. Didn't think about queries. Accidentally ended up in the middle of a parade.
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It's okay. I went running and ended up in the middle of a freaking BLIZZARD.
And how does the lion get from city to city? I'm thinking moped.
I'm guessing this may have been the very reason the film was delayed and delayed and delayed before release. I think it was filmed in 2007.
Crap, I wanted to see that movie. I thought, Hey, this might be a GOOD vampire movie. I'll wait for the DVD. Thanks for the heads-up.
And OMG, your life really IS queries. Did you say anything to the guy on the subway? I would've liked to see the look on his face if you said, "Form rejection," and then just walked away.
I was going to laugh at the lion subway query, but you ended up in a parade? Too awesome. Did you get up on a convertible and wave at people?
I feel for your inability to get away from all the queries. I was going to say a good run could help, but you clearly thought of that, and topping it off with a parade is a real escape. That's awesome.
Too bad you weren't on the subway earlier, during the annual No Pants Subway Ride.
It probably still would've brought to mind queries, but not in the head-slamming way of serial killer lions on mopeds.
I am now going to have to send you a query about someone who goes running and ends up in the middle of a parade. Just to give you the hat trick.
How does this lion kill in such a way that it's not obvious that a wild animal killed these people?
Nobody in the United States sees a lion running amok?
Is this a magic lion?
I'm glad that I'm not an agent or publisher because I think I got three gray hairs pondering this query.
I hope you gave that guy your business car.
Yes, but were there any lions in the parade?
You know, that's the disadvantage of being in the entertainment industry. Things that other people use for relaxation- movies, books, music- remind you of work...
I just had to go look up the trailer for Daybreakers and, yeah, you wouldn't know it sucked (ha ha, pun intended) from the trailer. But did you notice the movie was made by LIONSGATE? Which is all your fellow subway rider would have needed a really good one of to prevent the serial madness.
Silly Ink! A lion can't drive a moped!
He just rode in the sidecar. The gorilla from Murders in the Rue Morgue did the driving.
I love that you ended up in a parade. Have you ever seen My Fellow Americans? Were you in the middle of the All Dorothy Marching Band?
I love this blog! I love all the funny posts and I love all the funny people who comment on here! You know, when I'm reading blogs in the morning, I always save this one for last. You're brain dessert. :D
theresamilstein, obviously the lion poisons them.
Daybreakers does indeed cause epic disappointment. Even Ethan's (aka Grease Bucket's) grungy sexiness couldn't salvage it.
What was the purpose of bra-less beauty anyway? Other than an excuse for bra-less-ness? What, no romance? No gratuitous sex in manner of True Blood?
All systems fail. I want my $10 back, please.
aww that makes me sad about daybreakers. I guess i will be waiting for the blu-ray
Was it called "The Lion, of Which there's a Global Probe"?
Silly Ink, Trix are for kids!
Lol, Loretta, that made my day. Well, that and the lion.
Great. Somebody stole my lion serial killer story idea.
The Lion, The Pitch and the Wardrobe Malfunction kind of weekend, huh? We feel your pain. Or we are the pain. I forget.
(LOL! Word verification: brests. Profane, I know. Leaving out the letter A like that.)
Srsly on the bras thing. And wtf was with the ending? (slight spoiler alert)
"Crap, our plan has been foiled!! ... I know! Instead we shall ride off dramatically into the sunset! ... With no real plan after that. Whatevs. Who needs a denouement?"
I'm rooting for the lion, that's all I have to add.
Obviously this movie took place after the Great Bra Apocalypse....duh.
Right up until the lion part I was thinking 'This is already a film with Bruce Willis in it right?'. If that ever makes it to book then screen I vote Keifer Sutherland for the lead role because he already has lion down (I swear that is not an attempt at a pun he was the voice of a lion once).
Did you get to ride on a float? Ride a unicycle? Hoist the flag of Le Rejectionista?
Ultraviolet: the movie by which I base all other movies, for nothing could suck as much as that one did. First fifteen minutes=Awesome! Fell asleep for the rest of it just to not pull my hair out.
"How does this lion kill in such a way that it's not obvious that a wild animal killed these people?"
Duh. With his KATANA! :D
But seriously, we want to know more about the parade. Cause that sounds awesome.
(Also, you're right--why can't Ethan Hawke use shampoo? :( That made my eyes burn in the early 90s, and it does now, too.)
I am surprised that the fellow on the subway worked up the gumption to pitch on his book, despite your broadsword and fearsome skull-helmet.
I love Lydia's "form rejection" thought. Would have been fun!!
Le Rej:
Thou must needs give up on the formerly alluring (circa 1994-1995) Mr. Hawke. He is greasy. The age of grungy charm is over. If tempted to see another of his films, read "The Hottest State," his horrid first novel. Yours truly purchased it in a fit of Reality Bites-ing glee only to throw it across the room in a teenagerish fury, muttering, "Thisss issss craaaaaap!"
Well, I laughed out loud this morning when I read this, which is a great way to start a Monday. Thanks!
Holy. Crap.
This is what I miss when I take a few days to jam on my MS. Wow! I am still choking on my oatmeal over the whole shampoo thing. I know dirty boys are weirdly sexy, but there is, in fact, a limit. Even if you're Ethan Hawke.
All I got the last time I went running was my eyelashes frozen together. Shows you what I know. I need to find me a freaking parade!
Thanks for the laugh :)
Sounds a bit like the life of a writer - always wondering if something will work on the page. Most usually the answer is yes. Most times I don't even realize I'm doing it.
Querying someone on the subway comes off as a bit - desperate.
And now I might watch the first 15 min. of Daybreakers and leave the rest. At the very least I won't be disappointed (winks).
You had me at "kittens."
And, thank you for allowing me to check another movie off my list of ones-I-thought-I-wanted-to-see-but--don't-have-the-time-as-am-a-mother-of-a-toddler-anyway! (could have written like ten pages in the time it took to insert those hyphens).
Clearly you were concentrating really hard on NOT THINKING ABOUT QUERIES NOT THINKING ABOUT QUERIES NOT THINKING ABOUT QUERIES during your run.
This is possibly the best blog post I've ever read. EVER.
Long gratuitous boob shot sounds ok to me.
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