Those High Fullutent Fornicator's are the worst, aren't they? Right up there with Loud Mouth Women and Sophisticated Swine. Thanks for the laugh...I need to go bathe my brain in acid now to rid myself of the bad grammar/spelling headache that seems to have suddenly appeared.
I knew sports nuts were the reason our world was going to hell-in-a-hand-basket.... and what the heck is a government recipient? Aren't we all receiving something from the government in some form or another? I love this picture.... :)
I wonder if the author can actually read the King James version? Or maybe people who own that copy should go on the list, too. Perhaps they fall under "sophisticated swine."
Now I have a yen for really good barbeque with a lovely Pinot Noir.
Well, if the Devil hearts proper grammar, then I have to say "Team Devil!"
Sorry, Jebus. You're a totally swell guy (although not a Swine guy, yuk yuk) and I've really appreciated all the presents I get at Your birthday, but I heart grammar.
What's that? This signmaker doesn't actually speak for you? Whew! Okay, then. Team Jebus! I'll chat with you later when I ask, again, for my novel to be published.
Wow--and I thought I was a boring person--who knew I was a Devil worshipper at least 4x over. I guess they don't want Medicare when the time comes. God forbid, then they would become government recipient's...
I don't even know what P.K's are. Maybe I am one and I just don't know it. After all, this guy hates RACIST'S, which would indicate he doesn't know what that means. Oh, this list give me HIVE'S and the GIGGLE'S at the same time. Go Male Protestant, Celibate, Macho, Non-Drinkers! My guess is he might actually be male and celibate...
Eats, Shoots and Leaves author would get a rolling kick out of this one. Absolutely astounding. Wouldn't have been easier for them to say: "Thou, whomever thou art, need to repent"?
That would have covered all the bases without making anyone upset. Evidently, self-righteousness requires excessive use of bigotry and the abusive lack of restraint in the usage of apostrophe's.
The Druggies had an apostrophe, but they sold it to feed their habit.
But to break things down in terms of personal membership: Homo? Not according to my boyfriend. Druggie? No, and why did your head just turn into a purple tortoise? Gangster? No, and I'll cap you if you ask again. Feminist? No, wrong gender. Mormon? That'd be big o' me. Buddhist? Let me meditate on that. Drunkard? Not when I'm sober. Bahi? Don't know what that is, so I'm gonna say "No." Catholic? God, no. Wifebeater? Not unless she asks for it, no. Atheist? I don't believe so. New Ager? Not according to my aura. Democrat? Does Canadian count? Environmentalist? Only when I look around. P.K.? Nope. Not a personal kinesthesiologist(??). Abortionist? I was, but quit at the last moment. Effeminate men? Why do you ask, darling? Racist? Nah. I don't gamble. Scientologist? Not according to Xenu. Emo? Phillips? The commedian? We have the same hair, but no. Government Recipient? Again, does Canadian count? Adulterer? No. Not mature enough. Fornicator? No, but I keep trying. Thief? Take that back. Gambler? What are the odds? Muslim? Just a bit. Not allah me. Jehovah's Witness? I doubt it. I'm afraid of doors. Perverts? No, but what are you wearing right now? Idolator? Nah. I don't watch reality TV. Pagan? Is that someone who eats only books? No. Loud mouth women? Sorry, can't hear you. Agnostic? No, thank God. Liar? Not as far as you know. Liberal? Again, Canadian. High fullutent? Uh... got me there. Sophisticated swine? Er... guilty? Sports nut? Only during football, basketball, hockey and baseball season. Oh, and golf, tennis, sailing, soccer and uh... the world crokinol playoffs.
A street preacher from this ministry spent several days on our lovely campus this fall. He spent most of his time ranting about masturbators and the LGBTQ community. I was INSANELY proud of our undergrads, who responded by making out with same-sex partners and carrying signs that read "I Jerk Off All The Time" and "Masturbation is Sin-Sational!"
Sadly, he moved on, and they all went back to just drinking beer and watching football.
I think "high fullutent" is a new kind of gasoline. Must not be very eco friendly, though. Apparently it makes your car drive straight to hell. Even a hybrid.
I have had the worst effing week (especially yesterday), and then to top it off (oh joy!) I got to work 9 hours in retail today. I am beaten, in more than one way right now, and I don't plan on reading any blogs until tomorrow.
Except this one, of course. That's a given. And this post did not disappoint. So, as promised, albeit a little late in the day, here is your drinkie. ENJOY
ok so i already posted the obvious conclusion that im going straight to hell, Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect $200, just get your worthless devil-loving self straight into the pit of the fiery fiery fire, but after coming back to read the other 36 comment's posted, i found myself feeling considerably optimistic. because at least if im going to hell, im happy as hell to be sharing the space with the like's of you folk. ill take hell with a car full of non-ignorant bigot's over heaven with the kind of creep's that think these kind's of sign's are okay.
it make's me smile to see that sometime's humanity isn't doomed.
@CKHB: Oh, baby. You better watch out. We're straying awfully close to "PERVERT'S" territory with all this love going around. I agree with you - THIEVE'S is the super-special best.
@Ugarles: I know, right? There's not much else to do with the loud mouth women. Maybe you could punish them by making them suffer through a long game of football on TV... oh, DAMMIT!
The question is, with this number of writers there, whether the demographic will actually alter to better serve (i.e. torment) us. I picture an eternity of us carefully writing, editing, and sending out submissions, only to have them hijacked by demons en route to Hell: Agent Assistant Section and replaced with flower-scented glitterbombs that say, "Hey i'm riting this grate book it's about vampires that fall in love w/angels they will want to make a movie and it will make you big $$$." All of them will spell the agents' names wrong.
This system will provide an appropriate Hell for both the agents' assistants and for us writers, who will only ever get form rejections and never know why.
um, yeah, this is awkward, but, my name is Percival King, and I was wondering, ah, am I going to hell because my initials "PK" are stitched into my shorts, or because I am married to a couple of loud mouth women in 2 different states?
Aw, man! I SO want to say something clever and insightful, but y'all already got here ahead of me. Especially Ulysses and Ink who are cracking me up about the apostrophes! Er, I mean apostrophe's.
And regarding Shelli Cornelisons comment (dammit! Just when I *needed* an apostrophe, they're all used up!):
My guess is he might actually be male and celibate...
I'd think the celibate at least is probably a given, and probably explains a lot about the punctuation fixation. ;)
This is ... There are no words. And people wonder why Christians have a bad name. Now, on top of hypocritical and judgmental, we can add idiot as well. *le sigh*
Bwwwaaaahhhaaa! What Bible did this nut read? Also, I fit into more than one category on there. Funny, rapists and child molesters aren't mentioned, just perverts, which probably means porno lovers to the child molester that made this list. LOL.
Okay, Emo I know. Emo was the nickname of a wrestler I went to high school with. (His last name was Emerson.) We had fourth hour typing together (remember typing? Anyone? Before keyboarding came along?) and, since those electric typewriters were expensive, state-of-the-art machines and all, the teacher always locked the door when we left for lunch and then we'd have to wait in the hall for her when we came back from class. There was this obnoxious little red-headed sophmore boy who would always taunt and pester the seniors every day until Emo tied him up in his own sweatshirt and locked him in the nearest open locker.
That's probably why Emo's going to hell. All those times he locked the obnoxious sophomore in a locker. Although, as a wrestler, wouldn't he already be covered under Sports Nut's?
This list is so confusing. Okay, so I get that we're all going to hell. But how do we know who's going to hell for what?
I feel like if you're a writer, you love all of these people. The world would be a much less exciting place if we were all like Kirk Cameron or, dare I say, MEL GIBSON?!?
I'm not saying racist's or LIBERAL'S are cool (I mean, seriously, when is the las time a liberal was in the White House?) but they do add a certain flavor the world that helps us write fun and interesting and important literature. I was reading this just thinking that this is exactly why I love the Earth... It's like that Gary Larson cartoon where God has Earth on a baking sheet and he's pouring a salt shaker labeled 'Jerks' on it. The caption reads "There, that should spice this up a little bit."
So in conclusion: I like all these people (minus racist's and wifebeater's) and I even have a soft spot for jerk's like the guy (or gal) holding this sign. Without you, the world would be a much more boring place.
Is it hillbillies or hillbillys or hillbilly's (hillbillies?) Either way they've been overlooked. I don't think this was coincidental. Hmmmm....? Very strange, very strange indeed.
Is it hillbillies or hillbillys or hillbilly's (hillbillies?) Either way they've been overlooked. I don't think this was coincidental. Hmmmm....? Very strange, very strange indeed.
Posts
Ah, the importance of grammar...
You know, I'm pretty sure most of these aren't mentioned in my bible. Unless they're lurking around in Leviticus.
*goes to stone people eating shellfish*
Those High Fullutent Fornicator's are the worst, aren't they? Right up there with Loud Mouth Women and Sophisticated Swine. Thanks for the laugh...I need to go bathe my brain in acid now to rid myself of the bad grammar/spelling headache that seems to have suddenly appeared.
I just wonder...does 'P.K's' stand for 'Player Killers' or 'Pastor's Kid'? It'd be nice to know which ones are supposed to repent...
I don't understand... what do they have against pigs who appreciate the finer things?
They also seem to have had a sale on apostrophes.
HAHAHA!
Damn you Sport's Nut's!
We found it sort of mean-spirited to deny Druggies an apostrophe when everyone else gets one.
I knew sports nuts were the reason our world was going to hell-in-a-hand-basket.... and what the heck is a government recipient? Aren't we all receiving something from the government in some form or another? I love this picture.... :)
There are so many things wrong with this, it makes me want to punch the creator in the face. But that might add me to the list...?
They should add:
IDOIT'S
to the list.
Nice to see that EMO'S are finally getting the respect they deserve. ;)
How many druggies does the average homo have then?
I'm pleased to count myself in this list, and more than once.
Hmmm...so who's left?
This makes me giggle.
I wonder if the author can actually read the King James version? Or maybe people who own that copy should go on the list, too. Perhaps they fall under "sophisticated swine."
Now I have a yen for really good barbeque with a lovely Pinot Noir.
Gah! How come so many people were absent on the day we covered plurals in first grade?
Well, if the Devil hearts proper grammar, then I have to say "Team Devil!"
Sorry, Jebus. You're a totally swell guy (although not a Swine guy, yuk yuk) and I've really appreciated all the presents I get at Your birthday, but I heart grammar.
What's that? This signmaker doesn't actually speak for you? Whew! Okay, then. Team Jebus! I'll chat with you later when I ask, again, for my novel to be published.
XO
Lucy,
High Fallutent Loud Mouth Woman Drunkard's
I vote for thieve's as the best possessive on the list.
Who doesn't love them some Apostrophic Armageddon?
damn.
apparently im going to hell.
at least i know how to use an apostrophe.
AHAHAHAH. Okay, I totally saw "P.K's" and thought Pastor's Kids? Wow, really?
Tough crowd.
"Racist's"
and on the other side:
"Muslim's"
....lol.
Wow--and I thought I was a boring person--who knew I was a Devil worshipper at least 4x over. I guess they don't want Medicare when the time comes. God forbid, then they would become government recipient's...
I don't even know what P.K's are. Maybe I am one and I just don't know it. After all, this guy hates RACIST'S, which would indicate he doesn't know what that means. Oh, this list give me HIVE'S and the GIGGLE'S at the same time.
Go Male Protestant, Celibate, Macho, Non-Drinkers!
My guess is he might actually be male and celibate...
They left out a really important one:
PSYCHIC'S!
(especially HOMO PSYCHIC'S!)
I am so proud of how many times I appear on this list! Or should that be time's?
Eats, Shoots and Leaves author would get a rolling kick out of this one. Absolutely astounding. Wouldn't have been easier for them to say: "Thou, whomever thou art, need to repent"?
That would have covered all the bases without making anyone upset. Evidently, self-righteousness requires excessive use of bigotry and the abusive lack of restraint in the usage of apostrophe's.
What if you are an effeminate man and you can't help it? That seems a little harsh.
I also am unclear if 'Sport's Nut's' are people who like sports, or an assortment of sporty peanuts. I am hungry.
Wait. SPORT'S NUT'S are going to hell? Uh oh.
I'm thoroughly offended by this sign. I mean, they hate Mormons, Catholics, Muslims, Jehovah's Witnesses, et al., but leave out us Jews?
Always the short end of the stick. Sheesh.
Hey, I've seen this guy around! He actually gave a great and inclusive speech in Pioneer Courthouse Square a few days after 9/11.
I think PK's are Promise Keeper's
Note that he doesn't include Hater's on the list.
And shouldn't that be Effeminate Men's?
I'm with Doug: THIEVE'S is the best of the group. And once again Lucy Woodhull has nearly made me snort Hot Cider onto my keyboard.
What IS a P.K.?
The Druggies had an apostrophe, but they sold it to feed their habit.
But to break things down in terms of personal membership:
Homo? Not according to my boyfriend.
Druggie? No, and why did your head just turn into a purple tortoise?
Gangster? No, and I'll cap you if you ask again.
Feminist? No, wrong gender. Mormon? That'd be big o' me. Buddhist? Let me meditate on that.
Drunkard? Not when I'm sober.
Bahi? Don't know what that is, so I'm gonna say "No."
Catholic? God, no.
Wifebeater? Not unless she asks for it, no.
Atheist? I don't believe so.
New Ager? Not according to my aura.
Democrat? Does Canadian count?
Environmentalist? Only when I look around.
P.K.? Nope. Not a personal kinesthesiologist(??).
Abortionist? I was, but quit at the last moment.
Effeminate men? Why do you ask, darling?
Racist? Nah. I don't gamble.
Scientologist? Not according to Xenu.
Emo? Phillips? The commedian? We have the same hair, but no.
Government Recipient? Again, does Canadian count?
Adulterer? No. Not mature enough.
Fornicator? No, but I keep trying.
Thief? Take that back.
Gambler? What are the odds?
Muslim? Just a bit. Not allah me.
Jehovah's Witness? I doubt it. I'm afraid of doors.
Perverts? No, but what are you wearing right now?
Idolator? Nah. I don't watch reality TV.
Pagan? Is that someone who eats only books? No.
Loud mouth women? Sorry, can't hear you.
Agnostic? No, thank God.
Liar? Not as far as you know.
Liberal? Again, Canadian.
High fullutent? Uh... got me there.
Sophisticated swine? Er... guilty?
Sports nut? Only during football, basketball, hockey and baseball season. Oh, and golf, tennis, sailing, soccer and uh... the world crokinol playoffs.
Oooh... I'm'a goin' t'hell.
Wife beaters AND loud mouth women? You just can't win with this guy.
A street preacher from this ministry spent several days on our lovely campus this fall. He spent most of his time ranting about masturbators and the LGBTQ community. I was INSANELY proud of our undergrads, who responded by making out with same-sex partners and carrying signs that read "I Jerk Off All The Time" and "Masturbation is Sin-Sational!"
Sadly, he moved on, and they all went back to just drinking beer and watching football.
OUCH, Ugarles. Lucky for you Joke's In Poor Taste aren't up there. Heh.
I think "high fullutent" is a new kind of gasoline. Must not be very eco friendly, though. Apparently it makes your car drive straight to hell. Even a hybrid.
I teach 2nd grade.
I tell the kids:
An apostrophe does NOT mean "look out here comes an 's'!"
I have had the worst effing week (especially yesterday), and then to top it off (oh joy!) I got to work 9 hours in retail today. I am beaten, in more than one way right now, and I don't plan on reading any blogs until tomorrow.
Except this one, of course. That's a given. And this post did not disappoint. So, as promised, albeit a little late in the day, here is your drinkie. ENJOY
ok so i already posted the obvious conclusion that im going straight to hell, Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect $200, just get your worthless devil-loving self straight into the pit of the fiery fiery fire, but after coming back to read the other 36 comment's posted, i found myself feeling considerably optimistic. because at least if im going to hell, im happy as hell to be sharing the space with the like's of you folk. ill take hell with a car full of non-ignorant bigot's over heaven with the kind of creep's that think these kind's of sign's are okay.
it make's me smile to see that sometime's humanity isn't doomed.
just wanted to say thank's.
xo
Ink, that would be High Pullutent's. That actually hurt to write.
@CKHB: Oh, baby. You better watch out. We're straying awfully close to "PERVERT'S" territory with all this love going around. I agree with you - THIEVE'S is the super-special best.
@Ugarles: I know, right? There's not much else to do with the loud mouth women. Maybe you could punish them by making them suffer through a long game of football on TV... oh, DAMMIT!
Wow, Hell is going to be a great party!
The question is, with this number of writers there, whether the demographic will actually alter to better serve (i.e. torment) us. I picture an eternity of us carefully writing, editing, and sending out submissions, only to have them hijacked by demons en route to Hell: Agent Assistant Section and replaced with flower-scented glitterbombs that say, "Hey i'm riting this grate book it's about vampires that fall in love w/angels they will want to make a movie and it will make you big $$$." All of them will spell the agents' names wrong.
This system will provide an appropriate Hell for both the agents' assistants and for us writers, who will only ever get form rejections and never know why.
um, yeah, this is awkward, but, my name is Percival King, and I was wondering, ah, am I going to hell because my initials "PK" are stitched into my shorts, or because I am married to a couple of loud mouth women in 2 different states?
HA HA HA HA!
Sport's Nut's!!!
Holy shit-- LOUD MOUTH WOMEN is on the list.
I guess I'll just go get my handbasket and get my one-way ticket.
Aw, man! I SO want to say something clever and insightful, but y'all already got here ahead of me. Especially Ulysses and Ink who are cracking me up about the apostrophes! Er, I mean apostrophe's.
And regarding Shelli Cornelisons comment (dammit! Just when I *needed* an apostrophe, they're all used up!):
My guess is he might actually be male and celibate...
I'd think the celibate at least is probably a given, and probably explains a lot about the punctuation fixation. ;)
OH MY GOD!!
I just noticed that EFFEMINATE MEN is on the list! Holy shit!
I understand that you're going to hell if you're HOMO's, but you can't even be a little ladylike?
Does that include male ballet dancers? oops sorry,
MALE BALLETT DANCER'S'
This is ... There are no words. And people wonder why Christians have a bad name. Now, on top of hypocritical and judgmental, we can add idiot as well. *le sigh*
why no Hindu's? I feel so discriminated's against.
Unless the author placed us under "idolater's"
Seems that he didn't care much for English teachers either. Where's Lynn Truss and her handy black marker?
Poor guy, someone really needs to get him some meds.
@susiej: Ha! I bet he has a second sign containing:
ENGLISH TEACHER'S
THE ELEMENT'S OF STYLE
LOUD MOUTH GRAMMARIAN'S (THE MALE ONES, THE LOUD MOUTH WIMMENS ARE ALREADY ON MY OTHER LIST)
P.K's has to be pre-K. Can't trust those sweet, innocent 4 and 5 year olds =)
While I agree with a few--mind you, not all--of these, this is way overboard and totally misses the loving your neighbors bit.
Please, people, remember that not all Christian fundamentalists are like this.
Some of us can spell.
Reading that, I kept wondering "Sport's Nut's" what?
"Abortionist's" what?
"Wifebeater's"what?
It really distracted me from the message.
Loud mouth women and ENVIRONMENTALISTS!! Climate change experts in league with the devil?
Bwwwaaaahhhaaa! What Bible did this nut read? Also, I fit into more than one category on there. Funny, rapists and child molesters aren't mentioned, just perverts, which probably means porno lovers to the child molester that made this list. LOL.
Okay, this really is hilarious.
And the comments are even funnier.
But there is one thing I didn't understand: what is an Emo and why do they love the Devil?
I mean I get why envionmentalists love the devil, those swine, but Emos?
What is an Emo?
Okay, Emo I know. Emo was the nickname of a wrestler I went to high school with. (His last name was Emerson.) We had fourth hour typing together (remember typing? Anyone? Before keyboarding came along?) and, since those electric typewriters were expensive, state-of-the-art machines and all, the teacher always locked the door when we left for lunch and then we'd have to wait in the hall for her when we came back from class. There was this obnoxious little red-headed sophmore boy who would always taunt and pester the seniors every day until Emo tied him up in his own sweatshirt and locked him in the nearest open locker.
That's probably why Emo's going to hell. All those times he locked the obnoxious sophomore in a locker. Although, as a wrestler, wouldn't he already be covered under Sports Nut's?
This list is so confusing. Okay, so I get that we're all going to hell. But how do we know who's going to hell for what?
I feel like if you're a writer, you love all of these people. The world would be a much less exciting place if we were all like Kirk Cameron or, dare I say, MEL GIBSON?!?
I'm not saying racist's or LIBERAL'S are cool (I mean, seriously, when is the las time a liberal was in the White House?) but they do add a certain flavor the world that helps us write fun and interesting and important literature. I was reading this just thinking that this is exactly why I love the Earth... It's like that Gary Larson cartoon where God has Earth on a baking sheet and he's pouring a salt shaker labeled 'Jerks' on it. The caption reads "There, that should spice this up a little bit."
So in conclusion: I like all these people (minus racist's and wifebeater's) and I even have a soft spot for jerk's like the guy (or gal) holding this sign. Without you, the world would be a much more boring place.
http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/112003/a-degree-in-english.gif
Loretta.
Thank you. I feel much better knowing who Emo is. I appreciate that you clearned this whole thing up. It all makes perfect sense now.
Emo. That swine. I sure hope he repents of his devil loving ways.
Repent, Emo, repent!
I guess they don't want Medicare when the time comes.
Work from home India
Since churches are tax-exempt institutions, doesn't that constitute "receiving" a benefit from the government?
At least they got the part about Scientologists right (excluding the superfluous apostrophe, of course)...
No republican's, or mime's ?
You know, all he had to put was "Entertainment Industry Performer's" That would've covered everything.
But those are all the reasons I like living in Brooklyn in the first place.
Man, if Jesus can't get the apostrophe right, what hope do the rest of us have?
"Wifebeater's"
Ah, but does it make a difference if they are Stanfield's or Jockey's?
Is it hillbillies or hillbillys or hillbilly's (hillbillies?) Either way they've been overlooked. I don't think this was coincidental. Hmmmm....? Very strange, very strange indeed.
Is it hillbillies or hillbillys or hillbilly's (hillbillies?) Either way they've been overlooked. I don't think this was coincidental. Hmmmm....? Very strange, very strange indeed.
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