In the wake of the BATSHIT AWESOMENESS of the comments section last week, we are pleased to offer YOU, our dearly beloved Author-friends, an Official Rejectionist Death Match of Wittery.
YOUR CHALLENGE: Come up with THE MOST AMAZING Form Rejection in the History of the Universe.
1.Your entry must be posted in the comments section of THIS POST by FIVE P.M. FRIDAY.
2. You may only enter once. ONCE.
3. Your form rejection must be amazing.
4. We will not impose a Length Guideline but please remember: Brevity is the Soul of Wit.
5. Your form rejection must be triple-spaced in ten-point Courier only, accompanied by a CV (ONLY International Standard Business Format will be accepted; ALL OTHER ENTRIES WILL BE DELETED); include a SASE with 3.75 46-cent stamps affixed .25 cm from all margins; all bribes must correspond with Greenwich Mean Time treaty regulations; only bourbons will be accepted; your entry must be carbon-copied in quadruplicate with additional forms available through the Submissions page of our auxiliary website. Hee hee. Maybe we want to be an agent someday after all.
Extra points will be awarded to entries that rhyme and/or incorporate zombies, werewolves, and super-foxy assistants to literary agents. But you know what they say: if you have true genius, you don't need to worry about conventions.
THE JUDGES: Us. Obvs. If we can't make up our mind we will enlist the assistance of our dear friend Chérie L'Ecrivain and our Support Team.
THE PRIZES: The author/ess of THE MOST AMAZING Form Rejection in the History of the Universe will receive the following:
1. Power, glory, potential conquering of global and domestic markets.
2. Our admiration and approval.
3. Exhaustive written evaluation (by us) of your choice of either your query letter or the first five pages of your manuscript WHICH WILL NOT RESULT IN US PASSING EITHER OF THOSE ITEMS ON TO "STEVE" NO MATTER HOW GOOD THEY ARE BECAUSE WE ARE ANNNNONNNNNYYYMOUUUSSSSSSS. But we are very good at giving useful feedback, promise.
4. We will also mail you a Book or possibly a Hotly Coveted Galley chosen at random from our immense library, or maybe bake you a treat if our landlady ever fixes the oven and we are feeling industrious. Or maybe BOTH if you are very lucky and we have gotten paid recently and can thus afford baking supplies and postage.
REMEMBER: FORM REJECTION. ONE ENTRY ONLY. IN THE COMMENTS SECTION OF THIS POST. FIVE P.M. FRIDAY. MAKE AWESOME. MAKE US PROUD. The winner will be announced MONDAY NOVEMBER 9.