Rejectionist is the New Cool
Friday, November 20, 2009
We have noticed an odd trend developing of late in the Office, where from time to time one of the Other Agents will emerge from their little agent-hole clutching some project proposal on a "counter-cultural," "edgy," or "outré" topic (tattooist memoir, Burning Man photo-essay, hippie childhood, Black Bloc semiotics manifesto, Nomadic Journey and Spiritual/Sexual Awakening Amongst [Insert Tribe/Ethnic Group Here]), scuttle to our desk (bypassing their own able assistants) and ask us if we think it is "cool."
We are not sure what it is exactly we have done to have earned this dubious privilege (giant fake-fur coat? spandex + cowboy boots? stuffing our face with homemade granola whilst frantically apple-tabbing every time an Agent walks past us looking at goth fashion blogs instead of working on the sub letter we are supposed to be writing for a book "Steve" hates as much as we do?) but these days we're infallible: if Le R. don't think it's cool, it ain't gonna fly. Our verdict of uncoolness alone has totally axed a number of Other Agents' projects (before you erupt into conniption, dear Author-friends, re: The Total Arbitrariness/Injustice/Agent-Dominated Conspiracy-ness of the Publishing Industry, let us please reassure your quavering little hearts that a. these proposals were very most likely not yours and b. they were really, really dumb. Also: the Publishing Industry is arbitrary and unjust. Sorry. SO IS CAPITALISM).
It does kind of make us wonder if somewhere, in some Illustrious Office of Super-High-Powered Agents, there is a Much More Career Track-Minded and Properly Dressed Assistant being all like, "OMG, a dude who is, like, a Cryptologistomancer, taking on the Catholic church, in a vast interconnected web of poorly-formulated conspiracy? That's, like, TOTALLY COOL!" Hmmm. Food for thought.
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I'm so COOL I'm listening to THE ZOMBIES right now. Ha! Ain't it ironic? Skeleton Steve will be so disappointed in me.
It's handy to have a cool-ometer around. I have to call my sister for such things. And occasionally send her digital photos of the jeans I'm trying on and ask, "These aren't mom jeans, are they?"
As regards the arbitrary nature of the business, if something is supposed to be marketed as cool it had better be. You counter-culture, edgy, outre types can smell a poser from twenty paces. They're lucky to have you!
I denote you as "cool". Of course, my favorite move is Xanadu and I, too, own a copious number of vintage coats, some faux fur.
Have you seen Pirate Radio yet? It's vintage coat porn. It was all I could do not to bare my breasts to the screen and beg the movie to hump me.
Hm. You may want "cool" validation from another source.
Okay, Lucy... you just made me laugh out loud at work ;). Yet another reason to watch Pirate Radio!
Also, this post just drove home the fact that at a certain point, it really is all subjective :). And that's okay.
Are you admitting that you rejected the Da Vinci Code?
This all might have something to do with your skeleton type face and sword. Nothing says cool like a skeleton in armor on a horse with a sword.
...I really need to get a picture.
I loved your post. First, and foremost, yes, the rejectionist is the new cool. You had me at this bit: "(giant fake-fur coat? spandex + cowboy boots? stuffing our face with homemade granola whilst frantically apple-tabbing every time an Agent walks past us looking at goth fashion blogs instead of working on the sub letter we are supposed to be writing for a book "Steve" hates as much as we do?)"
Everything is as it should be...
I wouldn't want anyone making a decision on my work unless they did wear spandex and cowboy boots. I'm just sayin'...
Perhaps your subversive plot has succeeded at last and they are FRIGHTENED by your coolness!!!
Enjoy. One's opinion is rarely taken seriously, so this is a fine opportunity to strike out against racist/chauvenist/conservative-propagandist submissions you might otherwise have no chance to weigh in on.
:)
Though this barely-has-anything-to-do-with-anything, I note you mention you enjoyed some homemade granola. Might I suggest a delightfully tasty and healthful treat?
1 small bowl goats milk yoghurt
1/4 to 1/2 cup chopped fruit (suggest apples and/or banana)
A small handful of crushed walnuts
A dash of cinnamon
A teaspoon or two of maple syrup
Blend, and enjoy.
(Next week: I might comment on something relevent to the topic at hand!)
I feel myself unequipped to comment on topics pertaining to coolness. Kudos, however, on saving the world from stupid books.
Food for thought? Chew on THIS.
"Cool" power is something that I've always wanted to see harnessed and used for good, like ridding the world of one bad proposal at a time. Good to know none of these are mine.
Thank you. I'm going to be laughing at capitalism all day now.
Silly Dictionary.com! Everyone knows that a Cryptologistomancer is someone who does magic through the power of hidden logic. Like, "logically, cats and calories cannot exist in the same room therefore, PRESTO! I get to eat the chocolate pudding!"
Cryptologistomancy! :D
I too am a Cool-O-Meter, but in an inverse sort of way. Alas!
Of course not, and that's because nobody thinks career-minded and/or properly-dressed people are cool.
I mean, the point of being cool is not caring, right? So, like... whatever.
(Eh? Ehhh?)
A large bear was assassinated by my uncle in 1916 for treating our cattle ranch like a fast-food franchise. Rather than let it all go to waste, they ate the bear and made a coat, which I now wear when the temperature drops below -10F.
It may not be cool, but it's warm.
:-)
steeleweed, you are the epitome of COOL. Bear assassination ...warmth...heh heh heh.
How could we expect the selection process to be anything but arbitrary and unjust? If you don't know that the selection process for books is 50% crapshoot, you are setting yourself up for grief (if rejected) and intolerable arrogance (if accepted.)
Steeleweed, that was one of the best comments EVER.
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