Today's Lesson
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Children and teenagers are YOUNG. Being YOUNG is not the same thing as being a MORON. One more "Happy harmless Hattie the Hippopotamus must readily rescue her friends Alan Aardvark, Pookie Possum, and Wammi Warthog from eerily evil Dee Spo Zall, Witch of the Garbage Pail, while learning a Special Lesson about Friendship!!!!!!!!" and we are going to SHOOT OURSELF.
Also, writing for young people does not mean it is suddenly okay to throw in a whole bunch of wildly inappropriate racist crap about African witch doctors or Noble Injuns. What do you think you're doing, penning ad copy for Colonizers' Quarterly? Jesus H., IT'S NOT EVEN TEN AM. AUGHHH. SEND HELP.
By "you" we do not, of course, mean YOU, dear author-friends. We know YOU would never do this to us.
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That sounds horrible.
I always hate YA books that talk down to kids. It never made a lick of sense to me.
Is it wrong that I look forward to any post that has the label "We hates it precious we hates it ssss ssss"? Because I really do. It always indicates comedy gold at the end of the rainbow.
What's even more sad is when someone does something completely idiotic, that label starts to echo in my head.
Hopefully, you have a "special" form reply for those. Also... hopefully you recycle. Those sound as if recycling with extreme prejudice should apply.
What have you seen in terms of authors erring in the opposite direction?
Hmmm... I don't know. There's a distinct possibility that when I was YOUNG I was, in actuality, also a MORON. It's hard to believe, I know. But luckily I have MATURED and can no longer recite lines from WILLOW. This is the TRUTH. I totally SWEAR.
AHAHAHAHA!
I wish we could send help. I suggest mainlining some coffee, and later, bourbon.
Here's hoping the rest of the day produces either funnier mistakes or awesome books! :)
Ink,
I think you can still recite lines from Willow. That's something that you never grow out of...like Princess Bride quotes. Don't deny the fate of our generation.
"Boo! Boo!"
"The bones have spoken!"
Sometimes I wish we could include an IQ test with our submission guidelines. Wouldn't that be nice?
I heart you. Colonizers' Quarterly...wah hahahaha.
Lydia,
"What would you know? You're just a worthless peck."
Hehe.
Ed. Anon.,
IQ test? No. A Psychological Assessment Test on the other hand...
Lydia,
Addendum #1: "My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."
Addendum #2: "Anybody want a peanut?"
Addendum #3: "You've just made one of the classic blunders! The first, of course, is to never get involved in a land war in Asia. But the second, only just behind that, is to never make a bet with a Sicilian when death is on the line!" (Thud)
Ink,
Sweet. We've totally nerdified the comments section (and I don't feel at all bad about this fact, just so you know).
"To the pain!"
Lydia,
"My brains, your sword, his brawn... It can't be done. Now if only we had a Holocaust Cloak or something."
"You mean like this?"
"Where'd you get that?"
"At Miracle Max's. He said it fit so fine I could keep it."
"If we just had a wheelbarrow..."
"You mean like that one the albino had?"
"And why wasn't this listed under our assets? Hmmm?"
Wow, it's a good thing I've MATURED, or I'd probably be quoting movies all over the place. Whew. Lucked out there.
But you need to start them young! I find Colonizers' Quarterly to be a bit advanced for the wee ones, so I get them Only The Disreputables Poop Weekly.
Also: Is this a kissing book?
Ink: Maturity is overrated. Neener.
I am lost in this comment conversation. But on a happy note...I am the 99th follower. I rock! (this was hip slang back in my day).
This is one of the reasons why I don't write YA or children's books--and then the fact that I don't really like children. That could be it, too. (Just kidding!)
My quote:
Sorsha: "What are you looking at?"
Madmartigan: "Your leg. I'd like to break it."
Nice ones, Lucy and Brandi. Good to see you've joined the revolution.
"Kael's coming! Kael's coming!"
Which, of course, means the Rejectionist is coming to kill us. Or possibly steal our babies. Either/Or.
For example, with 265 million dollars you could build a super-awesome HP theme park somewhere besides Florida.
Which, of course, means the Rejectionist is coming to kill us. Or possibly steal our babies. Either/Or.
I vote "steal our babies."
(I hates it when I leaves a comment on the wrong post, I hates it precious I hates it sss sssss.)
@Ink: Will said stolen babies be given book deals? If so, I shall include one complimentary basket for easy carting!
This is awful. Almost as bad as the time I put a pot bellied pig in an erotic romance, and the pig ate a roast pork. They didn't like that on the reviews blogs.
Jesus god, keep your children. PLEASE. Kael was just doing his JOB. He doesn't LIKE BABIES.
Point made. I'll send you all my wholly inappropriate material after 10 a.m.
Waahh! :'( While I've been slaving away at work all day you've been having fun quoting The Princess Bride. Not fair!
"What about the R.O.U.S.es?"
"But that's NOT what he said. He clearly said 'to blathe' and, as we all know, 'to blathe' means 'to bluff'. You were probably playing cards and he cheated . . . ."
And my favorite:
"As you wish."
:)
"Those are the screaming eels..."
Yes, this is much more fun than researching agetns or stocking shelves. Which means, luckily for the Rejectionist, that I'll be here doing this ALL DAY. Oh the joy. I have smelling salts ready just in case people start fainting.
"That's Razelle? I was expecting something less... less..."
"Less fuzzy?"
"Less fuzzy."
Okay, I couldn't resist.
I much preferred LORD OF THE RINGS when I was a kid, when my 1st grade teacher read them to us over the course of the school year. I'd say kids are much smarter than most people give them credit for.
Finally! Speak the truth!
I'm a teenage poet that lives in a hick town called McDonough, in a freaking hick STATE of... mind. Nah, just Georgia, actually.
But on to the real point here. I've only met a few strong-minded, capale, ... umm... (try to be nice) ... er, elders that have thought me capable of any logical or poetic thought.
(Pardon the French)
And I am fucking SICK of it, dammit!
Ha. Is the reason something about me...? Or about the generation? My peers? The age group? Modern society? Politics? Education? Crime? Risks?
I can't resolve that right now, now can I. Well, leave it to Beaver... er, Obama. Yeah. That guy.
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