On Work Attire

We are quite a bit older than we look and have been employed in a splendid variety of capacities over the checkered history of our working life, very few of which involved an office of any kind unless you count the walk-in freezer. You know if you harf a little boo* in there the smoke sinks, right? Sooooo cooooool. Anyway, our point is that we haven't exactly spent a lot of time in dress-coded environments, and thus have never really managed to amass what most office-y rosy-cheeked fresh-out-of-college sorts of people have no trouble with, i.e. a Work-Appropriate Wardrobe; instead nine days out of ten we leave the house looking like the lead singer of Ratt on his way to Jazzercise class. Any time we make a conscionable effort at acquiring said Wardrobe we invariably become confused and disoriented and have to breathe deeply and then go eat a snack. What do normal people wear to work, anyway? It all looks so itchy and weird and costs so much money and you have to get special shoes or something. Or, like, a handbag.

Our boss, who we'll call "Steve" for the sake of anonymity, has never actually come out and SAID it is inadvisable for us to wear our sleeveless Guns 'N Roses shirt and totally sick black spandex zippered leggings to the office, although "Steve" does get really, really excited and heavy-handed with the compliments on the rare occasion we show up to work looking like some approximation of a rational adult, possibly because "Steve" is a dog owner who espouses the Positive Reinforcement school of obedience theory. The thing is, we are just as smart and efficient in wildly awesome outfits, and we are also a lot happier, so it stands to reason we should stick with what's working, right? One of our office mates remarked recently that we were the "best-dressed person in publishing," causing us to stand up and do a little dance of disbelief and glee; we must be doing SOMETHING right. Right? We do transition effortlessly into evening, which we hear is real important.

*Yeah, we grew up on the west coast. Why?