1. If you write a lot of brief, self-aggrandizing, autobiographical accounts of your activities revolutionizing the masses of various oppressed locales? And put them in no sequential order? That might be fiction of a certain kind. But it's NOT A SHORT STORY COLLECTION. We are CRANKY, not STUPID.
2. Totally going to include the number of a mental health crisis line in form rejection letter from now on. Jesus H.
3. Vampires: still totes hot. Sizzling. Delish. Not enough coffee! Vampire word association ensues! WAUUUGH!
4. We are clearly losing our mind.
5. As a follow-up to our dress-code musings: When we ask our Support Team how we look in the morning, and our Support Team responds, "You always look nice," this is not the same as our Support team responding "Wearing a dress that can only be said to cover one's nether parts in the most nebulous sense of the verb 'to cover' over bike shorts is totally work-appropriate."
6. "Steve" better get us a new computer soon 'cause every time we look at Gawker our current computer crashes. Pony up, "Steve." The day takes a LONG TIME without Gawker.
7. Form rejections of query letters: 142. Nice, personal rejections of query letters either written by people we felt particularly sorry for/depressed by ("My wife just died of cancer, I wrote this 700-page paranormal romance in her memory, here is a picture of her upon her deathbed," WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO US!??! AUGH!?? DO YOU WANT TO MAKE US SUICIDAL?) or people who had clearly spent hours crafting an intelligent, sane, thoughtful query letter for a project that didn't interest us: 5. Thoughtful rejections of requested manuscripts with insightful commentary and revision suggestions: 3. Manuscript requests: 6. Manuscripts we are totally reading before anything else even though they just came in yesterday, because they sound SO INSANELY AWESOME: 1.Lesson: Hang in there, dear authors. Hang in there. Cream rises. Promise.