1. A yacht sails into a BLACK HOLE (?) populated by CANNIBALS (??!!!?) and emerges in an ISLAND KINGDOM where the enterprising crew of aforementioned yacht encounter a former U.S. army general, who has likewise sailed through aforementioned black hole a number of years earlier, and conquered aforementioned island kingdom. Trains of nubile slave girls ensue. Also, treasure.

2. A just-barely-future world in which liberals have turned into flesh-eating zombies, governed by “President Yomama” (we were about to feel sorry for this gentleman until he threw that one in), who is also secretly a zombie, and in league with an ARMY of nuclear-family-hating traditional-value-crushing liberal flesh-eating zombies who are trying to keep the white man down and take over the world, except they can’t do it, because liberals are such bumbling incompetents. We will bet our entire Support Team this dude is voting Palin in 2012. Whether or not she’s running. OOOOH, SNAP.

3. A secretary in a multinational pharmaceutical corporation discovers she is actually a PRINCESS FROM ANOTHER UNIVERSE and subsequently embarks on an interplanetary voyage of self-discovery. We were kind of excited about this one, as we have always secretly suspected we, too, are a princess from another universe; but we’ll never know if it’s good, because, uh, it’s written in Sanskrit. No, really.